How You Gonna Win When You Ain't Right Within

I have become increasingly pro-black since 2007 when Barack Obama began his race to become president. Honestly, I didn't think he would win, not because he wasn't qualified but I didn't believe that the powers that be, who really run this country, would allow it. Just my opinion. And that is when it all began. White America began to show it's true colors. Muttering under their breath what they had been holding in for many years. I believe it in was in the late 1960s when it became unacceptable to for a white man to call a black man a "nigger" in public. He still saw us as "niggers". He just didn't say it. He was still in power, so whatever. That is until Barack Obama, a black man, became the most powerful man in the world when was inaugurated as the President of the United States. And THAT is when all hell broke loose....

How could a black man, the lowest of the low, become POTUS, the highest of the high? After all,
most of America is white. Most of America is poor, uneducated and white. They have been taught that even though they are poor and uneducated, they are still better than "niggers". The masses began brewing. Upset. Angry. And as their hate could not phase the impeccably graceful Obama family, it upset them even more. If it weren't so sad, it would be hilarious. The Obama family represented everything America is supposed to be. Humble beginnings. Freedom to organize and gather people to help them help themselves. Remaining humble while growing an empire. Inspiring change for the better. Making an effort, no matter how impossible it may seem to accomplish. Barack Obama did everything he could to bring change to policy and corrupt government. The Obama family remained classy and free of scandal...for the most part. But wypipo were still mad. Mad that he had made it that far. Then in marches Trump.

Trump ran for president knowing what the majority of America wanted to hear. Without saying "I'm going to put these niggers back in their place.", that's what he said to them. Ha! Imagine that! An illiterate billionaire who built his fortune on lies and controversy is going to put hard working, intelligent, woke people in their place? And where is that? Not so fast. We ain't scared of you. We can read. We know the law. And most importantly, we won't stand for it. The era of Jim Crow is over. While the justice system is what it is, we know it isn't totally against us the way it used to be.

We are the original people. Life began with us, in Africa. EVERYONE has the DNA of an African in
their blood. EVERYONE. We survived 245 years of torture while others perished. We are strong. We can not be extinguished. And what would extinguishing the original people get them? Struggle. Cuz we taught them the game. Remember? But most importantly, we know that hatred never wins. Love ALWAYS win. Hatred is exhausting and stressful. You can die from a heart attack because you were angry. But love his soothing and easy going. Watch yo back, wypipo. We will gladly correct you....in love. Everything you've done to us gonna come back to haunt you.

Dr. Dre Called It The Detox

Here in America, our culture does not naturally embrace our "natural smell" like others. We label it as "body odor", something to be ashamed of. Some people's natural body odor is pleasant to us. They're called pheromones. We are attracted to them. When we smells someone's odor and we do not like it, it just means that they are not for us. LOL! So I get it when some people are hesitant to try a "natural" deodorant cuz no one really wants to smell "natural". Truth is, most people don't even know what their natural smell is. However, if you're sick of pumping your body with chemicals that have been banned in most other countries but somehow are still legal in the U.S., you've been eating organic and started using Fancy Free for Hair & Skin to moisturize, the next step is switching to a natural deodorant (I've already put in my shameless plug so I'm gonna let y'all live on what deodorant to choose but we have Aluminum Free deodorant too.)

You've Made The Choice

Somethings work best when you drop them cold turkey, some don't. Making the switch to aluminum regular use of conventional deodorants and antiperspirants can change the bacterial microbiome in your armpits, causing an overproduction of bad bacteria which contribute to a worse odor when you stop using them.
free deodorant may be one of those things that require preparation. If you've tried to "Just switch" and you smelled terrible at the end of the day. It may be because the

The Answer

Try detoxing your underarms before you switch to the natural deodorant. When I was making the switch, I was home on maternity leave, so there were days when I didn't use anything, days when I only applied a little bit of milk of magnesia, days when I wiped with apple cider vinegar, etc. I did not do an official "detox" but I did abstain from traditional antiperspirant for an extended period of time, which is kind of a detox if we're considering the definition of the word.

How To

The Baking Soda Method

Baking soda is one of the best ingredients on the earth for pH balancing the body.  To detox your armpits with baking soda make sure you clean your armpits and while wet apply ALUMINUM FREE baking soda and leave on for 15 minutes or longer then wipe clean.  Repeat this procedure each day for a week or longer.

Apple Cider Vinegar, Lemon, or Witch Hazel Method 

After a bath or shower to apply either lemon or apple cider vinegar to your armpits.  Allow the armpits to dry before going to apply deodorant which is optional.  Some of the quickest detoxifications come with removing both deodorant and antiperspirants all together.  Witch hazel can also be used in place of ACV or lemon with this protocol.

Clay Detox Recipe

You’ll need:

• 1 tablespoon bentonite clay
• 1 teaspoon of raw apple cider vinegar

Directions:

1. Mix the clay and vinegar with a spoon or two of water to achieve a paste-like consistency.
2. Spread a thin layer of this mixture on each armpit, allowing it to work its magic for about 15 minutes*.
3. Rinse off the mask in the shower using a soft washcloth and dry the armpits thoroughly after your shower. You can then apply a natural deodorant if you wish, or go au natural.
4. Repeat this process daily until your body odor has settled down and you can apply a natural deodorantwithout unwelcome side effects.
5. Finally, vow never to go back to your conventional, chemical-laden antiperspirant or deodorant!

*If you feel pain after application, you should rinse off the mask immediately, although it’s more likely you will experience a tingling or warm sensation as blood flow to the area increases – this is normal.

After the Detox

You will notice less odor - sometimes even when you're not wearing deodorant, less irritation and perspiration after using natural deodorant, no more product build up in your armpits, improved lymphatic function, and reduction in illness.

The motto Fancy Free, LLC. is keeping you free from chemicals. As a retired health care professional, I have seen my fair share of medical complications caused by drug treatments. I started digging deeper when I realized that Jehovah made us in His image. Our body is a perfect ecosystem. When we start adding things that don't belong, we upset the perfect balance put in place. I get it, sometimes it's hard to avoid all of the chemicals and fillers manufacturers are allowed to put in products we consume. Your body will tell you when it's time to take a break and detox.

Shameless Plug Alert:

Fancy Free, LLC. is the manufacturer of quality products for hair and skin. Our motto is "Keeping you chemical free." Visit our website, www.fancyfreellc.com, to see a full range of our products and services. Sign up for our mailing list to receive natural hair tips and stay up to date on sales and the latest happenings with Fancy Free.

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Summer Hair Struggles

Color and highlights still popping

My Fancy hair has been growing like weeds. The wet twist out, using Fancy Free Pomade for Hair & Skin, is my signature hairstyle. But this summer is different. I have been struggling with my hair. Let me count the ways....

1. I have hair color. 
2. I have less time to deal with my hair than ever before.
3. It's been so hot and humid.
4. I don't have real motivation to look "fly"
5. My husband always has to have input on my hair.

The Bleached Hair Struggle

I have kinky hair. Kinky hair has a propensity to require more moisture than heavier hair. Lighten it and you've added another level of dryness to your already dry hair. Of course, my hairstylist is one of the best colorist in the city. She uses quality product and techniques to prevent damage. She also recommended products for me to use at home. However, after a year, I'm finding that the dryness is effecting how long my wet twist outs maintain the curl pattern. So, I'm spending more money going in for conditioning treatments which can get expensive. Ugh!

All I got in me is 2 braids

The Ain't Nobody Got Time Fah Dat Struggle

I thought I'd have more time to do what I wanted to do when I left healthcare. WRONG!! I forgot about the whole active little one year old part. I also didn't factor in that my business would be growing. I mean....of course, it's going to grow, I work on growing it daily but I just didn't think about it. Setting aside dedicated hair time has become more and more difficult.

Started with a braid out now we're here.

The Humidity Is A Hater Struggle

On top of making sure my hair is moisturized because of the color, I'm dealing with the hot, steamy, east coast summer climate. I'll be damned if I sacrifice 2-3 hours fooling with my hair for it to only look like something for 4-5 days because of humidity. I need to get 1.5 weeks out of it, at the very least. And forget an up-do

The I Ain't Got Nowhere To Be Struggle

Storyville Time

Let's face it. My reality is I'm whipping it up in the kitchen, playing with my son, laundry, errands, computer work, phone calls, etc. I leave home to drop my boy off at daycare and go to the grocery store. Who am I looking cute for? I know I should look cute for my husband but we've been together since 2003, he knows I'm fly when I need to be. I make sure my workout gear is cute. However, I can't commit to cute hair too.

$186 Vacation Hair

The My Husband Is Picky About My Hair Struggle
When I decided to grow my relaxer out, it was a family decision. It's our hair. My husband doesn't like weave or individual braids/plaits. He deals with my quirks so I oblige him when it comes to my hair. He liked my waist length vacation cornrows but they only last 3 weeks, are expensive, and take a lot of time - See Struggle #2. I twisted my hair in small two-strand twists that I could style as if it is braids. He said it looks cute but I can tell he's not impressed. He prefers faux locs. Heavy, expensive, take forever to install faux locs. I just can't commit.  

Fancy "FREE" Twists

So, what's the moral? Even the Natural Hair Consultant has hair struggles. You are not alone. As we grow and evolve, so does our hair routine. Right now I'm trying different conditioning treatments for colored hair, water, and Fancy Free Milk for Hair & Skin as a moisturizer I can use frequently. 

Fall will come. My color will grow out. I will hire a few more employees. My son will start school. And all will be right with Fancy's world and hair....until it's not. LOL!

Shameless Plug Alert:

Fancy Free, LLC. is the manufacturer of quality products for hair and skin. Our motto is "Keeping you chemical free." Visit our website, www.fancyfreellc.com, to see a full range of our products and services. Sign up for our mailing list to receive natural hair tips and stay up to date on sales and the latest happenings with Fancy Free.

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Dating in 2017

 Now, I preface this blog by saying that I have no idea what it's like to date for a potential mate. I know what it's like to date my husband but not the whole meet someone new, get to know them, spend time with them, so on and so forth. But I will say that it is possible to meet someone in 2017, date, fall in love and get married. Why? Well, because I see so many women getting engaged and married in 2017. Proof is in the pudding, right?

Now, what you are about to read might hurt your feelings but it needs to be said. Your grandmother told you. Your mama prolly tells you. And here I am, Fancy, telling you. Get your shit together and you will attract a good man that is right for you. And, no, I'm not talking about your degrees, credit, home ownership, retirement plan. I mean, you need that to be together too but I'm talking about your shit in between your head. All that baggage you're carrying around between your ears. Get that together. Make self care your first priority because if you aren't all the way together, you will attract someone who will take advantage of you. Plus, you don't want to be bringing a mess into a relationship anyway.

How do you get your shit together? GO TO THERAPY!!! Figure out where your trust issues come from and fix it. Figure out why you're so defensive and can never be wrong, then fix it. Figure out why you're a pushover even when you know you're being taken advantage of....and fix it. If you don't have any of the above issues, I'm sure you will discover something to work on when you GO TO THERAPY!

Trust me. I want you to win. I want you to be happy. I want to you have the desires of your heart. You cannot do that if you don't concur yourself. I started going to talk to a therapist in 2013 when my husband asked me why I was so "cold". At first I was defensive. Then I told him I didn't know. Then I started crying. Then I found a therapist. LOL! Therapy is going to be tough at first but then it gets easier as you fix your issues and learn healthy ways to adjust in life. I did and all of my relationships improved. 

Once you get yourself together, you'll be able to pinpoint exactly what you want in a romantic relationship. As with anything, if you don't know exactly what you want, you're will be an easy sell on pretty much anything. And by anything, I mean the man you keep dating that aren't right for you and won't do right by you. Make a list. Be specific. Pray for that man. Pray and trust. Continue to worry about yourself. Jehovah will lead your man to you while you're out and about being great. Do not, I repeat, do NOT go seeking a man. Make yourself available, because, well, he can't find you if you're in the house, but do not seek him out. Men need to pursue. They are competitive by nature. They need to feel like they won the prize. You are the prize.

Now, when I was single, I did not have a problem getting a date or keeping a man. Here are some tips on what Fancy would do when she was single:

1. Never take a man's phone number. If he is REALLY interested, he will ask for a way to get in contact with you. If he offers his number, you may take it to be polite but do not call him. He ain't no good for you, girl. 
2. Make him plan for you. After all, you are very busy, like Nene, being great. If he does not call you at least 3 days in advance to take you out, you are unavailable. Period. "Awwww man. That sounds lovely but I already have something on my calendar that day." Even if it's binge watching House of Cards. You are VERY BUSY!
3. Practice dating. That means, any man who is respectful, shows interest and makes plans. Let him take you out. I repeat. LET HIM TAKE YOU OUT! You never know the kind of jewel he is. If it turns out that there just isn't any chemistry, you've practiced how to behave so you won't act a plum fool when you someone you actually like asks you on a date.
4. Listen with your mouth closed. Ask questions. Be interested. Don't talk so much. It makes you look self centered. 
5. Have realistic expectations. No man is perfect. If he passes you're "non-negotiables" test, let him live. Once you're in a relationship, love him for who he is. Do not beat him up for who he is not. Let's face it, you aren't perfect either. We are all a work in progress.

My husband and I have been together since 2003. We have grown up together. We have matured together. This relationship thang ain't easy but we make it work because we love each other. However, if something should happen to him and I decided to date again. I would take my own advice. It worked to get him and it worked to keep him. 

Fancy and Husband
Photo Credit: Kyle Pompey

When The Time Is Right

I'm writing this for women who feel like it will never happen for them. When the time is right. It will happen. Work on your relationship. Work on yourself. Exercise. Eat right. Take your vitamins. Pray. Don't stress. Jehovah knows what's best.

My husband and I got married in 2007 after 4 years of dating. In retrospect, we were young and dumb. He was still in residency, I was still in school but we both knew that we were made for each other. The first four years of our marriage were TOUGH! Mostly due to selfishness and immaturity on both parts. What people don't tell you about getting married is that you don't automatically think like a wife or a husband right after you say "I do". There's no switch. You have to grow into those roles.
We had essentially been in a long distance relationship the entire 4 years that we dated. Even though DC and Baltimore aren't that far from each other, with his school schedule and my work and school schedule, the weekends or every other weekend was when we spent time together. The rest of the time was spent talking on the phone. No Facetime back then. LOL! Sometimes we went as long as 6 weeks with out actually seeing each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder but you also don't realize how annoying someone can be when you aren't around them all the time.

My Role

I was I-N-D-E-P-E-D-E-N-T. I had purchased my home and maybe one investment property. I had a car. I was making decent money. I lived alone. I was used to coming and going as I pleased because I had no one to be accountable to. I liked things a certain way. The right
way. My way. I was brash and bossy. I was a caretaker. I did everything and did not expect him to help out around the house because he was working 80-100 hours per week. I handle all of his "business" without him asking for help. I did not allow any negative consequences so that he could figure stuff out on his own and learn.

His Role

He was "focused" on his career, which meant quality time with me was often neglected. If it came down to spending time with me doing something he didn't necessarily want to do or work/sleeping for work or softball, he had a habit of choosing something other than me. He did not offer to help me out around the house because usually it was taken care of. He ignored me when I fussed.

Delay In Kids

We never put our marital problems on blast. EVER! We worked on them in private. I'd joke when people asked me when we were gonna start a family and say "We gotta figure out if we like each other enough before we do alladat." or "With all these advances in medicine, I got until a smooth 40 before pregnancy becomes an issue. I got trips to take."
But the reality was, we had some things to work through before we jumped into adding even more stress, like a crying infant. LOL! We had to get our finances in order. People assume because you're in a certain tax bracket or have a certain career that your money is right. No. We had to learn to set a budget and stick to it. I had my way of doing things and he never had any financial responsibility. He had been in school from age 6 to 26. We had to learn how to communicate with each other. We had to perfect our roles on the team. He learned to do laundry and dishes. I folded, dried and put them away. We budgeted in a housekeeper for all the other things. I went to the grocery store. He carried bags and put groceries away. I handled the bills and communicated where we were. He made sure I had access to everything I needed. Most importantly, we went to marriage counseling. I'm not talking about going to sit with our pastor at church or a marriage ministry bible study, not that there is anything wrong with that. But we needed something a little more candid. I'm talking about a certified therapist, who gave us assignments and helped us really hear each other. Our therapist gave us a book to read that really helped us understand each other better, Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, with the work book.
Once we went to therapy together, we were able to get to the root of "why" instead of focusing on the "what". Things were moving in the right direction but it still wasn't enough. Both of us had to do some work on ourselves, so still, to this day, we have regular individual therapy sessions. We have grown leaps and bounds....together. Once our communication improved, everything else improved. EVERYTHING.
We got our money right.  We traveled. We bought dumb stuff. Had regrets. We were finally able to got into our groove late into year 6.

The Plunge

Our marriage was on track. We had checked everything off of our bucket list from our 20s. We were in good places in our careers. We decided that we'd start trying for a baby in August 2015. August was ideal because we had a few trips in the summer and we wanted to be able to drink and do excursions. LOL! Although we are both healthy, it was still in the back of our minds that we were 35 years old and that we may encounter some difficulties getting pregnant now that we'd "done it right". You know, finished school, advanced our careers, traveled, enjoyed marriage, and THEN started a family.
We were both taking our vitamins, working out, eating right and so in July, we counted 14 days from the first day of my cycle and set the date to begin trying, August 1. At least twice a day, every other day for 7 days. We had fun. No stress.
I had some of my closest friends in town to celebrate my anniversary of birth, August 24, for the weekend.
Lots of food, fun, and sun. AND libations. Then it hit me, my period was supposed to come. So I took a test before they left. That thang turned positive within 30 seconds. I showed my husband. He high fived me, like I was a softball teammates. LOL! We had done it. The time was right. We were in a good place in our marriage and in life. Jehovah had blessed us at 35 with our first son. No fertility treatments, even though those vitamins had our loins on fleek. LOL! No stress. No in vitro. Just love. We celebrated 8 years of marriage this year and pray for a healthy baby boy to be born in April 2016. God is good.

Husbands Need Wives

How does the saying go? "Behind every good man is an even greater woman." Some feminists may say it should read "beside" instead of "behind". To me, it doesn't matter because marriage is a partnership, the "Ultimate Merger". A woman can be beside, behind, in front of....where ever she is, please believe she is "ghost bossing" her husband's life. Whether it is picking out his clothes, managing his money, nudging him in the direction of better opportunity, or even running his household, she is there. Women are natural nurturers and can nurture the most successful man to even greater heights.

5Linx Explaining Why Men Thrive in Marriage

1. Keeping house.
Yes. There are plenty of men who cook and clean but, let's face it, there aren't many. I'm not saying husbands shouldn't share in household duties or chores. I'm saying that it takes a woman to point out where he could use improvement in these areas. i.e. Cleaning the kitchen versus washing dishes. I have had to explain the difference to my own husband. LOL!

2. Caring for children.

Not to discredit fathers but there is nothing like a mother's love. Mothers literally risk their lives giving birth. No one, besides Jehovah, can say they've done more for you than that. Men need wives to bare the children and help nurture them. Even if it were biologically possible, I don't think men could deal with the discomfort and pain of giving birth. I'm just saying....

3. Replacement mama.
The male ego is fragile. Mothers play an important role in molding their sons, building confidence by accolades and applause. Fathers usually help mold their sons with discipline. When a man leaves his mother and cleaves to his wife, he will be looking to his wife for those same accolades. Whether it's for his lackluster attempt at doing laundry or pulling off the deal of the century with his company, men need their wives to cheer them on just as their mothers did.

4. Organization.
Men typically are not organized, at all. Unless it is related to sports or some hobby they have, they usually do not prepare in advance for anything. Be it a party, food for the week, how to stack the tupperware or a vacation. Men have a tendency to not think about upcoming activities until stuff hits the fan. Then they scramble. Wives are there to put events on their husband's calendar, so they know where they have to be and what time they have to be there. Wives know how much money they will have to put aside for the vacation the husband wanted to take. Wives make sure to purchase extra drinks and hors d'oeuvres and rent extra chairs when they see that the husband has invited an extra 50 people to the party they're having.

5. Reality check.
Just like mothers tell their sons that they are doing a great job, they also tell their sons when they need to do
better. Wives do the same thing. We all have tendencies to get comfortable, it is up to wives to give husbands a quick reality check when they're slacking. Be it in the bedroom, with chores or the boardroom. Jay-Z said it best, "Blue told me to remind you..." along with Bey. We gotta remind deez husbands that we ain't marry no slacker. Get out here in deez streets and make moves. LOL!

Whatever you give a woman, she will multiply and make it better. I am so thankful that I have a loving relationship with my mother-in-law. Her son, my husband, is a great catch but she gladly tells people that I got her son together. A special thank you to all the parents for raising great men who turn into husbands. Another thank you to all the mothers who know when it's time to turn their son over to a wife so that she can help him grow into an even greater man.

We are in the business of helping man and woman alike to become great. Contact us at www.fancyfreellc.com 

Wearing the Crown

Do you wear the crown? You know. "The Crown". What is the "crown" anyway? Let's take a "crown" wearing quiz? Do people always come to you with their problems? Not just your close friends and family looking for a listening ear or a problem solving session. I'm talking about random people in the grocery store or doctor's office. How about at work? Does everyone in your office look to you for the solutions? Are you the one always caught in the middle of family feuds and everyone expects you to resolve it? Do you have an issue with mediocrity? Like, when you are put on task, you can only crank out stellar results? Do you go to great lengths trying to help someone we great? So much so that it seems that you want greater for them than they want for themselves? Are you constantly looking for ways to improve.......everything? Have you been challenged with doing a job better than someone else and you actually did it better?

If you answered yes to 90% of those questions, then you wear "The Crown". Don't cry. I know, it's a hard life. But, because you are awesome, you wouldn't have it any other way. You are the person that gets rewarded with more responsibility at work because you're so good at what you do. They know you will be top notch with more. You proof read your friends' and family's resumes. You get put on planning committees for family reunions and baby showers even when you insist on not being involved. You will eventually be the glue that keeps your family together when your parents pass and your parents know this. Your significant other looks to you when there is a disaster because history has shown that you can fix anything.

You may not have ever thought of it this way, but it is all your fault. If you weren't so good at everything, no one would look to you for help, input or guidance. It's a simple theory. No one begs Aunt Carolyn to bring those nasty biscuits to holiday dinner every year if they're nasty the first year. They ask Aunt Helen to make them because Aunt Helen's biscuits are delicious. She does a great job with each and every batch.

How do you cope with wearing the crown? You must have outlets. These can be regular outings with other crown wearers. You can bounce other Crown-like ideas off of each other. Maybe have a rant session about how draining it is to be so awesome everyday. LOL! This is the only place ranting is allowed.  Therapy is a good one. Therapist are trained professionals who can suggest clinically proven methods to fit your personality and lifestyle. Don't sleep on therapy. A few good therapy sessions can keep your anxiety levels low for years to come. Reading, shopping, traveling, cuddling, laying on the couch......pretty much anything that you do strictly for your own enjoyment can be used as an outlet.

Here are 5Linx to maintaining your sanity while you sport your precious crown:

1. Never reduce your standards. You wear the crown because you are great and no one can take that away from you.
2. Be kind but firm. We have to maintain our high level of expectations. However, we can communicate in warm tones. Season your words with salt. They will be received better.
3. The word "no" should be an integral part of your vocabulary. Your peace of mind is your most valuable asset. Some times you have to say "no" in order to maintain that.
4. Help out where your help is deserved. Sometimes we want to lend a helping hand where we see a need but we know our efforts will not be appreciated. Never allow people to take your efforts to be wasted.
5. Always look for the silver lining. Perspective is EVERYTHING. Having a positive outlook can completely change the outcome of a situation for the better.

When you accept your "Fancy" crown, it comes with benefits as well as challenges. Wear your crown with pride but remember to utilize your outlets to maintain your own happiness. If you wear a crown and feel the need to collaborate with others who wear the same crown, text WOODS to 55469. 

Until next time, wear your "Fancy" crown with pride....

"I'm a groooowwwnnn woman, I do whatever I want...."

Have you ever tried something different? And I don't mean a new nail polish color. I mean something reeeeeaaallllyyy different. Like, going from long flowing hair to a really short haircut. Or maybe you decide to quit your job, sell all of your belongings, and move to Madagascar to become a missionary. What reaction do you get from people close to you when tell them your plans? You probably get questions that imply they think you're out of your mind. "You're gonna wear what?" "You're going WHERE for vacation? By yourself!?!?!" "You invested in what? Why?" Sometimes you just have to go with your gut. Take that loving advice with a grain of salt and stick to what you know is good for you. Do what you want to do. Do what makes you happy. What Jehovah has for you, is for you. Your lane is your lane. Sometimes people will deflect their own insecurities on you. In their minds, they are protecting you from certain dangers when in actuality, their concerns are based on their own fears. Take it in stride. They mean well.

In school we are penalized for making mistakes. Growing up we are usually taught not to participate in high risk activities. These are pertinent lessons when involving bodily harm or certain death but it usually spills over into how we process matters of intellect and finance. It is not common knowledge that most successful people in the world failed their way to success because all we see is the end result of all of their hard work. We don't see the idea board full of strategies that didn't work out so well. They took risks that most weren't willing to take, so they can live a life that most cannot even dream of living. Happy people don't let other's opinions stop them from doing what they want to do. Successful people do what they want and make their vision a reality.  Be a risk taker. Wear what makes you feel good about yourself. Stand your ground. Push limits. Don't just go with the flow. Ask why. If you don't like the answer, take strides to change it. Set unreasonable goals and plan to accomplish them. Decide what you want to do and do it.

Doing what you want to do is sooooo important. If you aren't solid in your own decisions, your decisions will become based on what everyone else thinks instead of the desires of your heart. Everyone close to you will be running your life. You will look up one day with someone else's idea of a successful career, sporting a hairstyle you never really liked, wearing a dress your mother picked out, driving a car your husband picked out for you instead of what you really wanted. If you are serious and stick to your guns, they will see why you are doing what you did. The proof is always in the pudding. You can show them better than you can tell them anyway. Then, instead of questioning your decisions, they will brag about how proud they are of you for living your dreams and being an individual.

Keep doing what you want to do, until next time....

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WINNING!!!

I'm not sure who coined that phrase, but I must say....it's awesome!! Being able to look at a situation, no matter what it is and say "WINNING!!" can change your whole outlook on life. I do it all the time. Small victories. Big accomplishments. Why? Well, mainly because it's fun to say. You most certainly cannot say "WINNING!!" without making some big gesture with your arms and a goofy grin. Someone will randomly see you doing it, they will laugh and then you will laugh at yourself. Next thing you know, multiple people are laughing. You're "WINNING!" can start a laughing frenzy that completely changes someones frown upside down. The underlying goal is to always look for the good. You will find yourself being happy about life when everything you can think of is going wrong. Being happy is contagious.

WINNING! Solid food after completing a 3 day juice fast.

A few examples:
1. Your work archenemy has been sending you multiple emails that are making your blood boil and your reply shuts that little bugger up. WINNING!
2. You're carrying a plate, glass of water, silverware, napkins, cell phone, and tablet into the living room so that you can eat in peace while you text from your phone and tweet from your tablet. Then BOOM!! You drop your glass and water spills everywhere. WINNING! You still have your food. WINNING! Your phone and tablet didn't get wet. WINNING! It's only water, so you can let it air dry instead of having to mop. LOL!
3. You pass your certification exam that you've been studying to take for over a year. WINNING!
4. You miss your train. WINNING! You have time to sit down and have some restaurant food while you wait for the next one.
5. Your kids wash the dishes. They use half a bottle of detergent and leave the floor soaking wet. WINNING! The dishes are clean.

I could go on and on, but the point is that being optimistic about all circumstances makes life less stressful. You're free to be Fancy because you ain't worried about nothing. Take pride in seeing the rainbow after the thunderstorm and then pointing it out to everyone to enjoy. WINNING!

Until next time....

Fancy First Impressions

Human beings are judgemental. God says do not judge but guess what. We are designed in His image and guess what God does....judge people. LOL! Most Christians will say that they aren't judgemental but the truth is that we all do it. When you walk into a room full of people that you have never met before and every last one of them will form an opinion about your before you even say two words. That's just the God's honest truth.

This why first impressions are important. Granny was giving us great advice when she told us to always put our best foot forward. My mother came from a generation of prim and proper debutants. Hats, gloves, corsets, and not one hair out of place. I grew up being required to get dressed when I left the house. No "throwing something on". Hair had to be combed. Why? Because you never know who you'll run into when once you step out. You could meet your soul mate. You could run into Oprah. You could meet a potential business partner. I mean, isn't it an awesome feeling when you run into an ex and you look GREAT?  You really NEVER know.

I take first impressions very seriously. Even when I'm dressed down, I try to look fashionable. I don't always wear makeup but I usually keep my lipgloss popping. Hair is another story. Mainly because wild hair is in. Wild hair is my signature. All my hairs are out of place but my hair is always clean and in some cute style, even if it's a wild fro. No pajama pants. No bonnets. If I'm wearing work out clothes, I don't smell like I've come from the gym. Point is, I take effort to look presentable, even when I'm not done up. You won't catch me slippin. Nope.

Outward appearance is just a part of it. Your facial expressions, tone, and body language say just as much about you as your clothing. I am a business woman, so I always have a million things going on in my brain at any point in time. My "deep in thought" look can come off as a scowl and makes me look unapproachable.  I make a conscious effort to smile when I enter a room and to say hello when I make eye contact with a stranger. I try to appear jolly and nice because, well, I am. I wouldn't want to deter anyone who may want to strike up a convo with me about my shoes because they think I'm a mean girl. After all, I am in the business of making friends. Smiles are contagious. It's amazing how an attractive person smiling at you when you're having a bad day can change your outlook on that day. Finally, I am aware of the way I talk to people. The way you say things is very important. While I am big on customer service, you will more than likely have a better experience when you are nice to the person helping you.

It is totally fine to not care what people think of you. How likely is it that you will run into those people who witnessed you going off on the cashier in Marshalls ever again? Highly unlikely but it could happen. Imagine walking into your dream job interview and your potential manager remembers you as the crazy lady in Marshalls. Their first impression of you was made in Marshalls when you were acting a plum fool, not at the interview. What people think matters then, right?

First impressions matter. Look presentable. Be pleasant. You never know who is watching you.

Until next time, keep your first impressions Fancy.

The Fancy Lane

A wise man, my daddy, once told me, "The more education you get, the more you know about less and less." When he first said that to me, I was scratching my head like "Whaaaa???" Then one day it hit me.
I am a certified specialist in my field. I know a whole lot about one subject, but I don't know everything about everything. What I do know is how to use my resources to find the information I need. People come to me with questions because I'm the "expert". There are plenty of times when I have to say "Let me look in the reference manual." It's called being resourceful. Being resourceful can be as simple as going to Google when you aren't sure how to spell a word, knowing which textbook to refer to before making major decision for your office, or having a relationship with your neighbor who can get you discounted parts for your car. All viable resources. The key is, knowing when to tap into them.

It is very important to recognize your strengths and acknowledge your weaknesses. We all have weaknesses, things we aren't so good at. People have way more respect for you when you can say "I do not know" and get back to them after consulting your resources than when you "fake the funk". No one wants to be around a know it all. What's worse than a know it all? A know it all who doesn't know what they're talking about.

The most effective leaders and successful business owners are great delegators. They know that people are resources and utilize them to accomplish a goal. People are one of the most valuable resources you can utilize. In work environments, you establish respect with your "team", so that you know things will get done with integrity when you delegate. Does the president lead a military attack? No. That task is delegated to the military experts. He simply gives the instruction. In business, you establish relationships with people by offering support for others so they will be willing to work with you if that option ever comes around. I mean, why do you think Beyoncé has a glam squad? She stays in her lane, focusing on making music and performing because she hired people to handle hair, make up, and wardrobe. She gives them her vision, they make it happen. Everyone in their lane, working together to make up the perfect team. My father does great with sheet rock and painting but when it comes to electricity and plumbing, he calls in an electrician and a plumber. He knows his limits and when to call for help. Better to do that than to electrocute himself.

I'm not suggesting that you never try to do anything new. If you are pursuing new interests, I recommend seeking guidance from someone who knows what they're doing. A mentor of sorts. Then LISTEN to what they say. DO what they tell you to do. Do NOT do what they tell you to avoid. When I planned my first big event, I asked my expert event planning friend for advice. When she told me what to do, I did exactly what she said to do. I asked questions when I needed clarification. I knew I didn't know what I was doing the first time around. Event planning wasn't my lane. And you know what? I had an epic event because of it.

The point is, when you have a craft, perfect it. Become an expert who is resourceful but not a "know it all". Stay in your lane. Do not try to do everything when you are leading a team. Delegate tasks to people who can do that job better than you can. When starting new ventures, ask an expert and stick to their instructions until you feel comfortable doing it on your own.

Until next time. Enjoy your Fancy Life....in your lane.

Fun Loving Fancy

Fun at a foam party

So you wanna roll with me, do you? There are rules to this Fancy Life. Levels to this, if you will.
I'm just kidding. There is only one stipulation for hanging with me. You must love fun. Why? Well, because I love fun. Seems like a simple concept but some can make it way more complicated than it has to be. I'm all about good, wholesome, clean activities. I will try almost anything once, as long as it is within my moral code.

Last summer, my college friends and I were planning a surprise bachelorette getaway for my college roommate, who loves fun. There were seven of us emailing back and forth about the plans for the weekend. The maid of honor, who also loves fun, mentioned that going to the strip club would be one of the activities for the weekend. The bride had requested witnessing a Magic Mike type of male exotic dancer experience. Now, I am not into exotic dancers ESPECIALLY not male exotic dancers but it was at the bride's request, so I'm just like "Alright. Cool." I love fun. I can make the best of it or just meet them at the next spot after the strip club. However, there was one in the group that went off about this particular activity. She went on and on about how exotic dancers are disgusting and how she would not participate in the ENTIRE trip if it meant being at the strip club for 2 hours was on the agenda. Mind you, there was no touching allowed in this particular establishment. We were all taken aback by how harsh and negative she was. You could hear the crickets chirping through the email. A few minutes later, the maid of honor responded to the rest of us saying a simple phrase that resonates with us to this day. The maid of honor said, "Sooooo guys....she hates fun." We still laugh about "She hates fun." Needless to say, that young lady did not attend the trip. While she was invited to the wedding, we didn't invite her to the pre-wedding pajama party in the bridal suite either. Tee hee.
Moral of the story: If you want to be invited, don't hate fun.

I can have fun anywhere, in any situation. Which is probably why we never have any problems getting people to our house parties. Honestly, anyone can get people to come to their house to eat and drink for free. When you are a true "Fancy Fun Lover", you also get invited to cool events that fun haters don't even know about. You become all of your friends' default date because they know that you are one person they can have fun with if their "boo" can't make it. I'm not just talking dates to happy hour. I'm talking movies, dinners, weddings, black tie events, sold out concerts, exclusive fundraisers.....the list goes on and on. Most recently, I was a default date to Coachella. How's that for awesome?

Be Fancy. Be someone that person you would want to spend time with. No one wants to party with a Party Pooper or have dinner with a Debbie Downer. You'll be surprised the doors that open for you by just being an enjoyable person. Opportunity awaits the optimistic.

Until next time. Enjoy your Fancy Life.

How to be "Fancy"

As some hip-hop/R&B songs indicate that in order to be "Fancy" you have to rock designer duds, drive expensive cars, and spend all of your time in the spa and salon getting your hair and nails did.

That is definitely NOT my life. I don't have many designer clothes. Just a few pieces, but you better believe I found them on somebody's clearance rack or on some of my favorite discount websites. Hmph! I do drive a luxury car but I bought it used and haggled the salesman down to the ground just cuz I gotta have the deal. I try to avoid the salons at all costs and I typically only comb my hair once every 2-3 weeks. Don't judge me? It looks super cute when I don't comb it. LOL!
Now, I do make regular visits to the spa. I consider bi-weekly manicures and pedicures to be maintenance. Chippy polish is not Fancy approved and my husband insists that my toes are polished as well. I am very particular about my nails, so I only go to one person but, in all honesty, a mani/pedi in a nail shop might set you back about $35. Moral of the story: Being Fancy doesn't necessarily mean spending a lot of money.

Living this Fancy life requires that I get as much bang for my buck as possible. I'm always going for the deal, the sale, the discount, the trade and the hook up. I look for the highest quality at the lowest possible cost. The motto for my household is: "Quote me the lowest possible price you will accept, then go lower." I rely on discount membership only stores, Groupon, Craigslist, eBay, "Google", the list is pretty extensive. However, I find that people are my biggest resource.
I make nice with EVERYONE. I don't discount anyone because of their "status" or income or education. You never know when you will need someone. I try to bring value to all of my relationships because, quite frankly, being known as "the friend who always needs something" is NOT Fancy. We are all blessed in some way. I strongly believe that a blessing isn't a blessing until you can use it to bless someone else. I help where I can without expecting anything in return. I give freely. Not because I want something in return, but because I am giver. As a result, I have a long list of resources at my disposal that can be considered "Fancy hook up" contacts.

Be Fancy. We all have one guilty pleasure. It's totally fine to treat yourself.
That item you thought you couldn't afford is out there somewhere, right within your budget. You just have to find it.
Establish relationships with people. Be an asset in that relationship. Enjoy being a blessing to people when they need you. You never now when they will return the favor.

Until next time, enjoy your Fancy life.

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Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

My name is Iyonna. My mama picked this name. She thought she was giving me an African name but she changed the spelling in an attempt to be "different", bless her heart, which changed the origin and entire meaning of my name. You see, Ayana, which is what she was naming me, is Kiswahili for "beautiful flower". I know a number of Ayana's and they are all beautiful people. But when she changed the spelling to Iyonna, I became "gracious". Iyonna is a greek variation of "Hannah", which means "favored, gracious one". There is so much meaning in a name. Which brings me to how I came to be called "Fancy".
Like to hear it, here it go.....

In 2006, one of my bestest friends from high school and college was getting married. Of course I was in the wedding. The venue was perfect. Gorgeous. Regal. Palatial. Just perfect. When I walked in, I knew that the long, flowy dresses she had picked for us would be a perfect fit for the decor of the venue. However, with all gorgeous venues and historical architecture comes marble stairs. This would not have been a problem for me if I did not have to walk up marble stairs, in my long, flowy dress, in front of 125 people. You see, my name means "gracious" BUT I inherited the clumsy gene from my favorite guy in the world, my dad. My dad, who I've seen fall off of the roof, trip over absolutely nothing, come home from EVERY ski trip with some sort of injury. Yeah, I inherited "grace" from that guy. I digress, when the planner was instructing us to walk up the stairs in our long, flowy gowns so that I could stand by my friend while she proclaimed her love to her long time bew, I knew it was a recipe for disaster. So, at the rehearsal, I made the suggestions that our escorts help us up the stairs. I mean, that's the gentlemanly thing to do, right? Only thing is, this small adjustment wasn't what the wedding planner had in mind for our processional, so that meant the entire thing had to be revamped to accommodate Ms. Clumsily Gracious' suggestion. Listen, I know it may sound selfish but I was NOT about to be the one to upstage the entire ceremony by tripping up the stairs. Nope. I ain't gonna do it. My escort thought that my suggestion, while a good one, was very "Fancy" and proceeded to call me Fancy for the duration of the pre-wedding activities.

At first, I was kind of annoyed with him for calling me Fancy but then I started to take to it. I had never had a nickname as a child, as I had always demanded that family called me by my name, so I began to think that "Fancy" was a pretty cool nickname to have. I started incorporating Fancy in my "social media" name. People who knew me agreed with my new alias and people who were just meeting me thought it was my real name. I mean, that word described me perfectly. So, there it is, now I'm Fancy.

Now it's 2014 and I'm living "The Fancy Life". Let me be very clear, my "Fancy Life" ain't no crystal stair. I don't fake or front. I work hard. I have success. I have had failures. I find myself in stressful situations. I get hurt. I get sad. I feel pretty some days and not so pretty on other days. I have perfect hair sometimes but then I go weeks without combing it, so it's not so perfect at other times. I embrace life and all the challenges it has to offer and I am honest about my life, I am Fancy.

In my Fancy journey, I have interacted with all types of people and I develop relationships in some of the most unlikely places. I am a giver. I am a helper. I am a solution finder. I am a resource. I don't claim to know everything, even though my husband will disagree. I live in my truth. I know when to ask questions. The result: People come to me asking for help and I help when I can. If I don't have the answer, there is a 95% chance that I know someone who can help you out or I know someone who knows someone that can help.

Friends and family have been telling me that I have all the answers for a while. They say things like "Fancy be knowing" or "Fancy knows best." I usually laugh it off but yesterday, a friend suggested that I start a Fancy Life secrets blog after I inadvertently provided her with a contact she needed without even knowing she had been looking for it. Thus...."Fancyville" has been revamped and "Secrets to Living the Fancy Life" is born. Let everyone benefit from me and my resources. Even though there are no real secrets about my lifestyle. I want everyone to feel like they can enjoy the Fancy Life right along with me.
Stay tuned!

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