Go Farther

I was never much of a teamwork type of person. It's the perfectionist's struggle. No one can do things
quite as well as we can so we don't trust them. When I started my career as a medical laboratory scientist, I worked by myself. At night. I could be alone with my thoughts. I didn't have to check behind anyone. I didn't have to check in with anyone. I was responsible for my work only. I did the best that I could and I passed what I didn't finish on to the next shift. I was a high performer. I received stellar reviews and multiple pay increases. No promotions though, but that's a story for another blog.

Fast forward six years, to 2010, I became a manager. I had a team of people looking to me for answers. I had a team of colleagues working along side me. I was also a part of a interdisciplinary healthcare team that combined efforts to make the patient care experience efficient and effective. I did well with my staff. I incorporated their ideas and asked what I could do to make their job better. That was pretty simple because I used to do their job. I knew what

it took. We had similar thought patterns. We were usually on the same page. Working with the interdisciplinary team took some adjusting. For one, I had no idea what a typical work day looked like for most of them. We thought and processed differently. I was used to keeping it simple but it took complicated and time consuming efforts to make minute changes in workflows outside of the laboratory. It was very frustrating but I eventually learned the law of the land. Got better at playing politics. Grew as a leader. And I accomplished things within my 6.5 year tenure that no one before me had done. I retired from that role in good standing with my colleagues and director.

When I started a network marketing business after 3 years in a managerial position, I realized that I could not build success alone. Not in network marketing, that's why it's called "network". LOL! In order for me to be successful, I had to teach others how to duplicate what I did to be successful. That was a very different concept for me. I was a Specialist in Blood Bank. At work, no one else in my department had the same level of expertise in matters of transfusion medicine that I had. And they didn't need to, I was hired because I was the expert in a subject that no one else wanted to learn. No one else could do my job. That is what made me an asset at work. But if I didn't teach my network marketing business partners, my business would surely fail. It changes your perspective on a lot of things. Not just business or work but on life in general.

I started my hair and skin product business very haphazardly. There was no plan in place. I did not
venture into it thinking that one day I could retired from health care to do it full time to build a business in the beauty industry. But here we are. In network marketing, independent business owners are encouraged to invest in personal development. As you grow, so does your business. There is a greater teamwork spirit than any other industry that I've ever worked in. Through personal development, I've learned to focus on improving my natural abilities and hire someone to do everything else. Which means, I need to hire a team if I want to grow my business to it's full potential.

It's not just about unlimited growth potential for my business, it's about giving people an opportunity to hone their own talents as I improve my own. We grow together. We feed off of each other and the business grows effortlessly, just by us focusing on our strengths.

Two and a half years in to this beauty business and I can say that I have grown tremendously as a person, but so has my business. I hired a graphic designer to do my labels. I am not a graphic designer. I pay someone to update my website. I am not a web developer. I pay someone to manage my social media. I am not a marketing guru. I have an assistant who helps keep me organized. I work like a tazmanian devil, I need someone to keep me in line. I pay someone to take my product pictures. I don't have the time it takes to take product pictures and edit them. I pay someone to handle my legal needs. I am not an attorney and Rocket Lawyer doesn't always cut it. I have a business mentor to help me navigate my next steps. I have a cosmetic scientists who helps me determine proper labeling and testing. I have a team who believe in my vision. They are experts in areas that I am not. I trust them. I can focus on what I do best and I know they've got me covered. The evolution of Fancy Free is obvious because of them. I am excited about what the future holds for us. I know I wouldn't be able to go as far as I've gone without them.

Growing a business of any kind is no easy feat. You NEED a team. There is an African Proverb that says "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." Rome was not built in one day. Most empires that rise quickly, crumble even faster. I am not interested in blowing up over night. I have grown to enjoy the process of growth. Some days are better than others but I have my team to lean on. I make sure I talk to someone when I need encouragement. This makes a world of different. I don't I would've quit long ago without them. LOL!

Shameless Plug Alert:

Fancy Free, LLC. is the manufacturer of quality products for hair and skin. Our motto is "Keeping you chemical free." Visit our website, www.fancyfreellc.com, to see a full range of our products and services. Sign up for our mailing list to receive natural hair tips and stay up to date on sales and the latest happenings with Fancy Free.

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Summer Hair Struggles

Color and highlights still popping

My Fancy hair has been growing like weeds. The wet twist out, using Fancy Free Pomade for Hair & Skin, is my signature hairstyle. But this summer is different. I have been struggling with my hair. Let me count the ways....

1. I have hair color. 
2. I have less time to deal with my hair than ever before.
3. It's been so hot and humid.
4. I don't have real motivation to look "fly"
5. My husband always has to have input on my hair.

The Bleached Hair Struggle

I have kinky hair. Kinky hair has a propensity to require more moisture than heavier hair. Lighten it and you've added another level of dryness to your already dry hair. Of course, my hairstylist is one of the best colorist in the city. She uses quality product and techniques to prevent damage. She also recommended products for me to use at home. However, after a year, I'm finding that the dryness is effecting how long my wet twist outs maintain the curl pattern. So, I'm spending more money going in for conditioning treatments which can get expensive. Ugh!

All I got in me is 2 braids

The Ain't Nobody Got Time Fah Dat Struggle

I thought I'd have more time to do what I wanted to do when I left healthcare. WRONG!! I forgot about the whole active little one year old part. I also didn't factor in that my business would be growing. I mean....of course, it's going to grow, I work on growing it daily but I just didn't think about it. Setting aside dedicated hair time has become more and more difficult.

Started with a braid out now we're here.

The Humidity Is A Hater Struggle

On top of making sure my hair is moisturized because of the color, I'm dealing with the hot, steamy, east coast summer climate. I'll be damned if I sacrifice 2-3 hours fooling with my hair for it to only look like something for 4-5 days because of humidity. I need to get 1.5 weeks out of it, at the very least. And forget an up-do

The I Ain't Got Nowhere To Be Struggle

Storyville Time

Let's face it. My reality is I'm whipping it up in the kitchen, playing with my son, laundry, errands, computer work, phone calls, etc. I leave home to drop my boy off at daycare and go to the grocery store. Who am I looking cute for? I know I should look cute for my husband but we've been together since 2003, he knows I'm fly when I need to be. I make sure my workout gear is cute. However, I can't commit to cute hair too.

$186 Vacation Hair

The My Husband Is Picky About My Hair Struggle
When I decided to grow my relaxer out, it was a family decision. It's our hair. My husband doesn't like weave or individual braids/plaits. He deals with my quirks so I oblige him when it comes to my hair. He liked my waist length vacation cornrows but they only last 3 weeks, are expensive, and take a lot of time - See Struggle #2. I twisted my hair in small two-strand twists that I could style as if it is braids. He said it looks cute but I can tell he's not impressed. He prefers faux locs. Heavy, expensive, take forever to install faux locs. I just can't commit.  

Fancy "FREE" Twists

So, what's the moral? Even the Natural Hair Consultant has hair struggles. You are not alone. As we grow and evolve, so does our hair routine. Right now I'm trying different conditioning treatments for colored hair, water, and Fancy Free Milk for Hair & Skin as a moisturizer I can use frequently. 

Fall will come. My color will grow out. I will hire a few more employees. My son will start school. And all will be right with Fancy's world and hair....until it's not. LOL!

Shameless Plug Alert:

Fancy Free, LLC. is the manufacturer of quality products for hair and skin. Our motto is "Keeping you chemical free." Visit our website, www.fancyfreellc.com, to see a full range of our products and services. Sign up for our mailing list to receive natural hair tips and stay up to date on sales and the latest happenings with Fancy Free.

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Dating in 2017

 Now, I preface this blog by saying that I have no idea what it's like to date for a potential mate. I know what it's like to date my husband but not the whole meet someone new, get to know them, spend time with them, so on and so forth. But I will say that it is possible to meet someone in 2017, date, fall in love and get married. Why? Well, because I see so many women getting engaged and married in 2017. Proof is in the pudding, right?

Now, what you are about to read might hurt your feelings but it needs to be said. Your grandmother told you. Your mama prolly tells you. And here I am, Fancy, telling you. Get your shit together and you will attract a good man that is right for you. And, no, I'm not talking about your degrees, credit, home ownership, retirement plan. I mean, you need that to be together too but I'm talking about your shit in between your head. All that baggage you're carrying around between your ears. Get that together. Make self care your first priority because if you aren't all the way together, you will attract someone who will take advantage of you. Plus, you don't want to be bringing a mess into a relationship anyway.

How do you get your shit together? GO TO THERAPY!!! Figure out where your trust issues come from and fix it. Figure out why you're so defensive and can never be wrong, then fix it. Figure out why you're a pushover even when you know you're being taken advantage of....and fix it. If you don't have any of the above issues, I'm sure you will discover something to work on when you GO TO THERAPY!

Trust me. I want you to win. I want you to be happy. I want to you have the desires of your heart. You cannot do that if you don't concur yourself. I started going to talk to a therapist in 2013 when my husband asked me why I was so "cold". At first I was defensive. Then I told him I didn't know. Then I started crying. Then I found a therapist. LOL! Therapy is going to be tough at first but then it gets easier as you fix your issues and learn healthy ways to adjust in life. I did and all of my relationships improved. 

Once you get yourself together, you'll be able to pinpoint exactly what you want in a romantic relationship. As with anything, if you don't know exactly what you want, you're will be an easy sell on pretty much anything. And by anything, I mean the man you keep dating that aren't right for you and won't do right by you. Make a list. Be specific. Pray for that man. Pray and trust. Continue to worry about yourself. Jehovah will lead your man to you while you're out and about being great. Do not, I repeat, do NOT go seeking a man. Make yourself available, because, well, he can't find you if you're in the house, but do not seek him out. Men need to pursue. They are competitive by nature. They need to feel like they won the prize. You are the prize.

Now, when I was single, I did not have a problem getting a date or keeping a man. Here are some tips on what Fancy would do when she was single:

1. Never take a man's phone number. If he is REALLY interested, he will ask for a way to get in contact with you. If he offers his number, you may take it to be polite but do not call him. He ain't no good for you, girl. 
2. Make him plan for you. After all, you are very busy, like Nene, being great. If he does not call you at least 3 days in advance to take you out, you are unavailable. Period. "Awwww man. That sounds lovely but I already have something on my calendar that day." Even if it's binge watching House of Cards. You are VERY BUSY!
3. Practice dating. That means, any man who is respectful, shows interest and makes plans. Let him take you out. I repeat. LET HIM TAKE YOU OUT! You never know the kind of jewel he is. If it turns out that there just isn't any chemistry, you've practiced how to behave so you won't act a plum fool when you someone you actually like asks you on a date.
4. Listen with your mouth closed. Ask questions. Be interested. Don't talk so much. It makes you look self centered. 
5. Have realistic expectations. No man is perfect. If he passes you're "non-negotiables" test, let him live. Once you're in a relationship, love him for who he is. Do not beat him up for who he is not. Let's face it, you aren't perfect either. We are all a work in progress.

My husband and I have been together since 2003. We have grown up together. We have matured together. This relationship thang ain't easy but we make it work because we love each other. However, if something should happen to him and I decided to date again. I would take my own advice. It worked to get him and it worked to keep him. 

Fancy and Husband
Photo Credit: Kyle Pompey

Desires of the Heart

Soooooo, I used to have time to blog regularly. Then I started a business. Then I had a baby. Then I went back to work. Then business started picking up. Life became crazy but the whole time, I was working on myself. Not just growing my business but growing as a person. Improving how I manage my time. Improving my relationships. Loving myself more. Not being so hard on myself. Reading more. Meditating. Eating better. I also began to grow out of things. Outgrow relationships. Outgrow activities. You get the point.

Fast forward to today. I have finally fully retired from healthcare to pursue my passion. And, also, allowing what has been chasing me my entire life to catch up to me. You see, I grew up in a salon. I feel like every woman in my family has a cosmetology license, including my mother. I even worked in a salon while in grad school and apprenticed under my mother but never took the exam. What some may see is a woman who started small, business picked up, opportunities are presenting, so I decided to go for it. What people don't know is that this was written. Business is picking up, so I need more space to manufacture. What will that space look like? Eventually, it will be a beauty salon. That's the 2 year plan. All that running from cosmetology has come full circle. LOL!

In college, even though my career path was not clear, I knew I did not want to work beyond the age of 35. At the time, I thought I would work a little bit and then my husband would take care of me. LOL! I mean, my mother is a stay at home mom, why can't I be one too? No one knew this. I never shared it with my husband. Why? Well, life happens. Reality hits you. I assumed that we could not sustain our lifestyle on one salary, so my intention was to stay in healthcare until I was retirement age. While I had reached my career goals by the age of 30, I thought I'd develop new ones for healthcare related advancement in my career. Nope. That's not what happened. Once I mastered my job function, I was looking for a new challenge. This was right around the time when I began my journey in multilevel marketing.

Say what you want about multilevel marketing, but for me, it was an eye opener. I was open minded
and I realized how powerful I really am. I learned about myself. I realized that sitting in a windowless office, tucked away in the corner of a blood bank was not what Jehovah intended for me. I thought that multilevel marketing would be my ticket to a Fancy Free life but it didn't work out that way. Turned out that Fancy Free was my ticket. It had been right under my nose for about 2 years. I started selling the hair product. More and more women were scheduling natural hair consults. Fancy Free business was picking up. 500% growth in my second year of business. Those numbers happened during a year where I was working on a HUGE project at work, pregnant, oh yeah, and had a baby. This all got me thinking. If I grew this much with wishy washy, inconsistent marketing, imagine what I could do if I focused all of my energy on Fancy Free. Endless possibilities. No limits.

So there it was, staring me in my face, my destiny. But how was I going to transition? Our household

budget included my, now half time, salary. Simple. Get out of debt. If we paid off all of our credit cards, we could afford to live off of my husband's salary. Simple. Not easy though. LOL! So we got to work. Scaled back on splurging. We were chopping that debt down, big time. The whole time, my work environment was becoming more miserable. Once my focus shifted from being a Specialist in Blood Bank to growing as a CEO, I no longer wanted to spend time blood banking. I wanted to be building Fancy Free. So EVERYTHING irritated me. It was time to go.

Once we set a date, that's when the magic began. You see, when you begin to walk in your purpose,
the flood gates open and everything works toward helping you receive the desires of your heart. Things lined up in a way that I couldn't have even imagined for myself. I never told my husband I wanted to retire by 35. I kept it close to my heart. Between Jehovah and I. But I was open and flexible. The silence while meditating let Him speak to me. I just listened. Now, here I am at 36 years old and retired. Only one year behind schedule. I mean, the Jews wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, so 1 year isn't so bad.

No, all of our debt isn't completely paid off but we're on our way. No, I don't have a building yet. But the reality is, all of your ducks are never going to line up the way you want them to before you take the "jump". Jehovah wants you to rely on Him and not your own understanding. When we humble ourselves, accept that there a lot of things that we just don't know, and actively seek guidance, things happen, BIG things happen.

What are the desires of your heart? Go after them with all you've got. There is nothing you can't do once you've made up your mind.

Shameless plug alert:
Fancy Free, LLC. is the manufacturer of quality products for hair and skin. Our motto is "Keeping you chemical free." Visit our website, www.fancyfreellc.com, to see a full range of our products and services. Sine up for our mailing list to receive natural hair tips and stay up to date on sales and the latest happenings with Fancy Free.

Subscribe to our mailing list

Laws Of Power

I dealt with much internal turmoil in the first half of 2016. How did I get there? I'm a reasonable person. A forgiving person. A generous person. Maybe that's how. I allowed someone who had hurt me repeatedly back in to my life. Not without hesitation but I feel like we all make mistakes and we all grow from our missteps. I mean, if someone has the courage to come to me, admit how they were wrong, and apologize, who am I to continue to shut them out?

Fast forward to September 2015, I found myself in a position where I had been betrayed by the person. Betrayed and hurt again. But this time, I wasn't surprised by these antics. After all, I invited them in. EYE put myself in the position. I trusted again when I shouldn't have. I learned a tough lesson that cost me. Not only time but money as well.

I know that I can't expect everyone to treat me the way I'd like to be treated. I know everyone wasn't raised the same, but to be slapped in the face with that reality by someone who has been in your house, breaking bread with your family is tough. I had literally been defeated because I wasn't dealing with honest and reasonable person but, deep down, I knew I wouldn't have felt any resolve even if I had won. I typically have no problem cutting people and situations off with the swiftness but this situation really bothered me. I couldn't figure out what the REAL issue. So, I did what I always do. In true scientist fashion, I went to gather data from everyone who knew the details.

I started by immediately re-listening to "The 48 Laws of Power". I would say reading but I've read it already so I listen to it on YouTube while in my office. Multi-tasking. LOL! After listening, I realized what I did wrong and how the situation could've been handled differently for a more positive outcome. When I say positive, I mean, how I could've gotten what I wanted. *shrugs* No shame. The lessons taught in "The 48 Laws Of Power" teach that while you have to be strategic in your actions, sometimes you also have to humble yourself and lose a battle or two in order to win the war. So, I checked myself. It didn't have to end that way but I was more focused on what I thought was right instead of by any means necessary in order to win. BOOM!

Then I talked about it in therapy because knowing how I could've handled the situation differently still didn't fix that nagging feeling. Like, why did this bother me so badly if I saw it coming eventually? Well, my therapist was able to get me to see how I was tying this situation into some other unsettling relationships in my life. It was my "lightbulb" moment. Once I figured that out, I was able to drop that nagging feeling like a hot potato. The biggest weight was lifted from me. It was literally like storm clouds cleared the sky and the sun came shining through, complete with a rainbow and angels singing.

This situation taught me some valuable lessons about myself and human nature. Sometimes people just don't like you. Don't try to figure it out. Their poor taste doesn't diminish your value. It doesn't make you a bad person, a bad friend, a bad sister, a bad mother, a bad daughter, a bad wife.....none of that stuff. Sometimes you don't get closure and you have to be okay with that. Leave it alone. Going back will only result in more hurt. Sometimes you just have to take the gut punches in order to get what you want. Man up. Take it.

That's it. That's all.

That "Ah Ha!" Moment

My life has become so jam packed that I no longer have time to sit down and read. So I consolidate activities. I listen to books while I'm doing activities that I'd normally require music. Exercising, folding laundry, whipping shea, etc. Right now, I'm listening to Russell Simmon's book, Super Rich. He talks about meditation and becoming a business yogi and it has me doing some serious self evaluation. Yes, I am "Fancy". How'd I get that name anyway? To me, I'm just a hippie who is very particular about some things and does not care about most other things. LOL! Where am I going with my business ventures? What direction am I taking my professional life? I do what I do because I'm good at it, not necessarily because I have a burning passion for it.

At 21 years old, I decided that I'd be a blood bank boss. I did the training, got the certifications and BOOM! By 29 years old, I had accomplished that goal. I perfected blood bank bossing by the age of 32 and was ready to move on to another challenge.What's next?

Direct sales. Direct sales is AWESOME SAUCE!!! But only if you're up for a challenge. It requires a hell of a lot of personal growth. Only the strong make it to the other side. The other side being residual income. You also have to inspire that in other people who may not be ready in order to maintain and grow your team, which also maintains and grows your income. What I got out of it? I learned that I am an entrepreneur at heart. I am a creative. As an employee, I need flexibility in order to flourish. I learned that I will see exponential growth and feel success beyond my wildest imagination if I put the same passion and consistency that I put into managing a blood bank behind my own product. My imagination does not have any limitations. EYE have the power to make what I visualize in my head into a reality. The personal development required to be successful in direct sales helps you see that if you can believe it, it can be yours. I visualized my successes in my career. Direct sales got me visualizing what success as "Fancy Free" looks like and it looks like a lot of time in the pool or a beach. Nothing too fancy but definitely free.

The words of "Super Rich" made me realize that I already have it all. I already have it all. I am enjoying the process of becoming. In becoming a business yogi. In becoming a mother. In becoming a wife. Just becoming better all around. I have material success and titles but I know that titles do not define me. As a matter of fact, whenever I'm engaged in a conversation that starts with "So, what do you do?", I usually say I'm a stripper or wet nurse. In my mind, if the first thing you're asking me when we meet is about my line of work and we're not in a work environment, I don't necessarily want to talk to you anyway. In my mind, we ain't got nothing in common. LOL! Now I'm ready to take this life to another level by being even more focused and operating on an even higher level of consciousness.

With that being said, I did a self check. I looked at my proverbial stove. All of the burners are going. I'm turning the heat down on 3 of the 4 burners and turning it up on just one. Everything else will have to blend in with that thing. If it doesn't mesh with my vision, I ain't doing it. I'm sooooo excited about this new clarity. I wasn't sure what was holding me back from going all in. Now I realize it was because I was unsure about something. Now that I'm sure, I'm going for it. Full steam ahead.

It's so amazing what reflection and self correction can do for your life. The day that I had this moment, I had an opportunity waiting  for me in my inbox. If this is not affirmation, I don't know what is. When you chase something, it will run away. When embrace your purpose and your passion, you will attract your heart's desires.

The Fancy Life just keeps getting better.

Twelve Weeks A......Mom

I often find myself stopping in the middle of whatever I'm doing just to stare at my son. If he's awake, I'll talk to him, read to him, sing to him. If he's sleeping, I'll stare at him, rub his cheeks, kiss on him, rub his head. To me, he's perfect. A perfect combination of his father and I. A perfect culmination of what my life has become.

Adjusting to life with my perfect little prince has been interesting. I'm learning a lot about myself. I don't care about the same things I used to care about. All I want to do now is make sure he gets every opportunity I had and more. But I'm also struggling to find balance. Taking care of a newborn is VERY time consuming and I'm also working toward building a financial portfolio. I want to leave him with a legacy not bills.

Me trying to "find balance" is me saying I need to manage my time better. When I say "I don't have time." now, it means something completely different than when I used to say it a year ago. A year ago, it meant more so "I can't be bothered". LOL! You know, being shady. But now, I really just don't have time. I have stuff to do. I'm constantly moving. Straightening the house. Doing laundry. Running errands. Making shea. Shipping shea. Talking to people about Thrive. Looking for properties to invest in. And allllll of those things come AFTER I perform wife and mother duties. Because, to me, those things are most important.

You see, I am blessed with a very supportive husband who has enough faith in my abilities to agree for me to give up my full time salary so that I can spend more time working on my entrepreneurial ventures and raise our son. The last thing I want to do is make him feel like I don't have time for him. And my son. He's such a joy. I really just want to play with him all day but I have to "adult" also.

In short, I've been a mother for 12 weeks and my whole world has been turned upside down. I couldn't be happier with the way my life is set up. I find myself close to Beyonce "I'm so blessed" tears. But I'm a thug so I don't cry. LOL! I'm focused on conquering time management and balance while I try to fit everything I need to do in between snuggling and loving on my son and husband. 

The Gift Of Life

Mother's Day 2016 with 16 day old Prez & Qilla Quenton, the cat

So, it's Mother's Day. My first Mother's Day as a real mother. When I say real mother, I mean, as a woman whom has risked her life to bring another life into this world. You see, I have a rack of god kids and I consider myself to be a sister mama cuz I helped raise my younger sisters but this year is special. I gave birth to a man child of my own. It's even more special because I nearly lost my life doing it.

That's right. I came very close to the very thing I was so anxious about with childbirth, dying. So instead of basking in the joys of watching my son sleep peacefully while my husband naps, I am getting my will together cuz life is short, it happens fast and I don't want my family to be like Prince's family if I were to pass away suddenly. Not that I have $300 million to fight over but I got a little something something that I worked hard for and I want it to be distributed properly. It doesn't hurt that our financial adviser has been hounding us for it ever since we told him we were having a baby.

But back to how I almost died giving birth to my son.....

My due date was April 26, but I had a dream that my son would be born on April 23. I was certain it was Jesus telling me to prepare so I decided that my last day of work would be April 21. That way I'd have 2 days to relax and do some stuff around the house. I know, I know. A planner to the end but if you fail to plan.....

39 weeks pregnant in my office

On my last day of work, I went in having contractions that were about 5-10 minutes apart. They started at about 2 am, so I figured I'd get my morning meetings out of the way and see what was going to happen. I packed my hospital bag and went into work around 6:30 am to try to get as much done as possible before I HAD to leave. Well, it was a false alarm. The contractions subsided and I completed my last day of work as a full day. Even straightened up my offices a little bit. Then at 8:30 pm, the contractions started again and they didn't stop. We made our way to the hospital and my cervix was 5 cm dilated. I was already 1-2 cm at my last doctors appointment, so I was thinking "3 cms in 2 hours. I think I can do this natural thing." And by "natural thing", I meant, no epidural. My son had a different idea.

3 day old Prez in Daddy's hand

Everyone who see's or holds my son says that he is so calm and peaceful, but that caused a problem when I was trying to get him here. Supposedly, natural labor is not as long as labor with an epidural because you can move around and the baby descends faster than when you are confined to a bed. But they wouldn't let me move or walk around because his heart rate wasn't increasing when I had contractions. He was just chilling. Heart rate was steady. Straight across the board. Like another day at the office. So I had to stay in bed with a monitor attached to me, like I had an epidural. This made natural labor miserable. And even though my husband was a great coach, I began to think "Why am I torturing myself? Just get the epidural." So, I did. I made it to 8 cm without one but my son wasn't descending or responding to the contractions. I felt defeated but I was exhausted with no sleep the night before. So, my husband and I took a nap. LOL!

But we didn't nap for long because something was happening. I had one looooooonnnngggg contraction and my son didn't like it so his heart rate started to drop. They broke my water to relieve pressure, gave me something to stop my contractions and stabilize his heart rate. He came back around. But my contractions were losing steam AND I had regressed from 9 cm dilated back to 8 cm *deep sigh*. Meanwhile, my son STILL was not responding to contractions or moving down. What did the doctor do about that? Gave me pitocin to make my contractions stronger and faster. Then they put me in this weird "pretzel" position to try to get him to come down. 

After being in the pretzel for a little while, I started having back labor. This is was worse pain than regular labor. It was HORRIBLE. I broke down. I cried like a baby. And I do NOT cry. I might shed one thug tear but there is no crying in the "Fancy Life". They showed me how to work the epidural bolus but that wasn't relieving any pain. Finally my doctor came in asking me the big question "What you wanna do?" She explained that I could start pushing to see if I'd dilate some more OR they could do a C-section. My response..."Just get the baby out." I was defeated, in pain, exhausted and I just wanted to meet my kid. So they began the emergency C-section prep. The anesthesiologist comes in to put in the spinal nerve block and asks if I want something a little stronger for the back pain. YYYEEESSSSS!!!! It went down hill from there.

3 day old Prez

While in the pretzel position, my epidural line had moved from my empty spinal space to my vascular space. Meaning, it got inserted into a vein. The anesthesiologist saw how much pain I was in and immediately gave a dose of lidocaine into my epidural line, not knowing that it was in a vein. That lidocaine went STRAIGHT to my brain and I was out. I passed out. I threw up. I started seizing. I had no detectable pulse for about 3 minutes. I coded. They were trying everything to resuscitate me. The whole time, my son's heart rate was steady. Unbothered. I came back like I never left. Like I never skipped a beat. That little episode scared my husband. He said it was the longest 3 minutes of his life. He never gets scared, so I knew it was serious. He said he just kept praying and focused on our son's steady heartbeat until they found my pulse. 

The anesthesiologist fixed the problem with my epidural line and inserted the spinal nerve block. I had no problems with my C-section. My son came out with a nice healthy cry. He got quiet after they cleaned him up and spent that time with us in the operating room just looking around and observing with his calm and peaceful spirit.

During my recovery, the anesthesiologist came to check on me and explained how he should have tested the line but saw how much pain I was in and just wanted to give me something. I understood that. That episode reinforces why we can't skip steps in medical care. He also explained that had it been another medication, other than lidocaine, I could have went into cardiac arrest and passed away. That is scary. The thought of my husband raising our son alone brings me to tears. I had "epidural" guilt. I was thinking that I was selfish to not want to endure the pain of childbirth and it could've cost me my life. But it didn't. I'm healthy. No side effects of the lidocaine, so we think - my husband says he's keeping an eye on me. My son is healthy. No worries. 

It's funny, but not funny, how a near death experience that you don't even remember can put life into perspective. Life is too short not to enjoy the little things. Stop to smell the roses. Be in the moment, where ever you are. Be patient with people and situations. It's never really that serious. Life comes at you fast, so make sure you're happy with it. Quit the job you hate. Jehovah will take care of you. Leave that relationship that makes you miserable. You can do bad by yourself. Focus on the good and good in your life will multiply.

As I receive well wishes on my first mother's day, I have a greater appreciation for the day and being able to give life. 

Mi Familia

When The Time Is Right

I'm writing this for women who feel like it will never happen for them. When the time is right. It will happen. Work on your relationship. Work on yourself. Exercise. Eat right. Take your vitamins. Pray. Don't stress. Jehovah knows what's best.

My husband and I got married in 2007 after 4 years of dating. In retrospect, we were young and dumb. He was still in residency, I was still in school but we both knew that we were made for each other. The first four years of our marriage were TOUGH! Mostly due to selfishness and immaturity on both parts. What people don't tell you about getting married is that you don't automatically think like a wife or a husband right after you say "I do". There's no switch. You have to grow into those roles.
We had essentially been in a long distance relationship the entire 4 years that we dated. Even though DC and Baltimore aren't that far from each other, with his school schedule and my work and school schedule, the weekends or every other weekend was when we spent time together. The rest of the time was spent talking on the phone. No Facetime back then. LOL! Sometimes we went as long as 6 weeks with out actually seeing each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder but you also don't realize how annoying someone can be when you aren't around them all the time.

My Role

I was I-N-D-E-P-E-D-E-N-T. I had purchased my home and maybe one investment property. I had a car. I was making decent money. I lived alone. I was used to coming and going as I pleased because I had no one to be accountable to. I liked things a certain way. The right
way. My way. I was brash and bossy. I was a caretaker. I did everything and did not expect him to help out around the house because he was working 80-100 hours per week. I handle all of his "business" without him asking for help. I did not allow any negative consequences so that he could figure stuff out on his own and learn.

His Role

He was "focused" on his career, which meant quality time with me was often neglected. If it came down to spending time with me doing something he didn't necessarily want to do or work/sleeping for work or softball, he had a habit of choosing something other than me. He did not offer to help me out around the house because usually it was taken care of. He ignored me when I fussed.

Delay In Kids

We never put our marital problems on blast. EVER! We worked on them in private. I'd joke when people asked me when we were gonna start a family and say "We gotta figure out if we like each other enough before we do alladat." or "With all these advances in medicine, I got until a smooth 40 before pregnancy becomes an issue. I got trips to take."
But the reality was, we had some things to work through before we jumped into adding even more stress, like a crying infant. LOL! We had to get our finances in order. People assume because you're in a certain tax bracket or have a certain career that your money is right. No. We had to learn to set a budget and stick to it. I had my way of doing things and he never had any financial responsibility. He had been in school from age 6 to 26. We had to learn how to communicate with each other. We had to perfect our roles on the team. He learned to do laundry and dishes. I folded, dried and put them away. We budgeted in a housekeeper for all the other things. I went to the grocery store. He carried bags and put groceries away. I handled the bills and communicated where we were. He made sure I had access to everything I needed. Most importantly, we went to marriage counseling. I'm not talking about going to sit with our pastor at church or a marriage ministry bible study, not that there is anything wrong with that. But we needed something a little more candid. I'm talking about a certified therapist, who gave us assignments and helped us really hear each other. Our therapist gave us a book to read that really helped us understand each other better, Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, with the work book.
Once we went to therapy together, we were able to get to the root of "why" instead of focusing on the "what". Things were moving in the right direction but it still wasn't enough. Both of us had to do some work on ourselves, so still, to this day, we have regular individual therapy sessions. We have grown leaps and bounds....together. Once our communication improved, everything else improved. EVERYTHING.
We got our money right.  We traveled. We bought dumb stuff. Had regrets. We were finally able to got into our groove late into year 6.

The Plunge

Our marriage was on track. We had checked everything off of our bucket list from our 20s. We were in good places in our careers. We decided that we'd start trying for a baby in August 2015. August was ideal because we had a few trips in the summer and we wanted to be able to drink and do excursions. LOL! Although we are both healthy, it was still in the back of our minds that we were 35 years old and that we may encounter some difficulties getting pregnant now that we'd "done it right". You know, finished school, advanced our careers, traveled, enjoyed marriage, and THEN started a family.
We were both taking our vitamins, working out, eating right and so in July, we counted 14 days from the first day of my cycle and set the date to begin trying, August 1. At least twice a day, every other day for 7 days. We had fun. No stress.
I had some of my closest friends in town to celebrate my anniversary of birth, August 24, for the weekend.
Lots of food, fun, and sun. AND libations. Then it hit me, my period was supposed to come. So I took a test before they left. That thang turned positive within 30 seconds. I showed my husband. He high fived me, like I was a softball teammates. LOL! We had done it. The time was right. We were in a good place in our marriage and in life. Jehovah had blessed us at 35 with our first son. No fertility treatments, even though those vitamins had our loins on fleek. LOL! No stress. No in vitro. Just love. We celebrated 8 years of marriage this year and pray for a healthy baby boy to be born in April 2016. God is good.

And Here's the Conflict.....

This whole Drake vs. Meek Mill conflict brings up a lot of items for discussion. But lets focus in on the claims that started the whole thing. Meek Mill was upset about something and then started spilling all the dirt....that's not really dirt. Drake has a ghost writer. So what. No seriously. Who cares that Drake has a ghostwriter. Everyone does. You need help to stay on top of day to day business AND continue to put out music as regularly as Drake does.

What Meek fails to realize is that Drake is the talent. Drake is very good at what he does and he is also very versatile. People want him to perform their work. I mean would you rather hear Beyonce perform 1+1 or The Dream? No disrespect to The Dream but it's just that sometimes the talent gets the shine because......they are the talent. LOL! It's that simple. If you look on the writing credits for some of pop culture's biggest icons, they all have multiple people listed on each song. All of them.

Who cares if Drake doesn't write everything. People are still going to buy Drake's music, no matter who wrote it. No artist writes every single thing they perform or record. We know Drake has written and can write. Clearly. If Drake has a ghostwriter, let that ghost get paid. Geez.
Don't try to take food out of the ghost's mouth, Meek.

We thought Meek and Drake were cool. Putting secret society knowledge on blast says more about Meek than the "tea" says about Drake. My mama always taught me to keep my private business private. Everyone doesn't have to know your business and they shouldn't. The best way to resolve issues with a person is directly with that person. Most misunderstandingss are just that, misunderstandings that manifested because of a lack of communication. Use your words, Meek. Use your words.

What lessons can we learn from this situation? Everyone that you associate with ain't your friend. Period. Keep your secrets close to your chest. Let people prove their loyalty before you reveal potentially damaging information to them. Pay close attention to how someone responds to other people when they don't get their way. If they are talking smack about someone else around you, telling everyone else's business, it's only a matter of time before they're telling yours. When someone tries to put you on blast, don't retaliate, just state the obvious. In the end, petty and witty will always beat angry and argumentative. Not that it's always about winning but....it's always about winning. LOL!

I don't have an opinion on how it could have been handled better because, quite frankly, I have been entertained by all of the shenanigans. That's what it was supposed to do, right? Entertain us. For me, I prefer to address conflict directly. Even when I'm in the wrong. I address, try to resolve, and move on. I'm not one to hold grudges but I WILL cut someone off after forgiving them. Like "I forgive you but you're not gonna give me your behind to kiss on MULTIPLE occasions. Nope."

Enjoy your Fancy Life....as drama free as possible.

Who's Going to Save the Hero?

I am a music head. I LOVE good music. Music gets me through my day. Music gets me through tough times. I can have a whole conversation just by citing different lyrics. I'm not the biggest fan of ballads. I prefer booty popping and trapping music. However, I am a musician deep down inside, so every now and then a slow song will catch my attention. Not often but it does happen. So, the first time I heard "Save The Hero" by Beyonce, it instantly caught my attention. Mainly because I am drawn to music that is in a minor key but then I started to listen to the lyrics and I teared up a lil bit. I may have shed one thug tear, but that's it. Cuz I'm a G and G's don't cry.

What are the lyrics to that song? Let's have a look:

I lay alone awake at night
Sorrow fills my eyesBut I'm not strong enough to cryDespite of my disguiseI'm left with no shoulderBut everybody wants to lean on me.I guess I'm their soldier.Well, who's gonna be mine
[Chorus:]Who's there to save the heroWhen she's left all aloneAnd she's crying out for help.Who's there to save the heroWho's there to save the girl...After she saves the worldAfter she saves the world.
I bottle all my hurt inside,I guess I'm living in lie.Inside my mind each day I dieWhat can bring me back to life?A simple word, a gestureSomeone to say you're beautifulCome find this buried treasureRainbows lead to a pot of gold
[Chorus]
I've given too much of myselfAnd now it's driving me crazy(I'm crying out for help)Sometimes I wish someone wouldJust come here and save me...Save me from myself

WOW! That is deep. It really hit home because I my maternal grandmother died of a heart attack while being the care taker for my great grand parents. Not her parents. Her husband's parents. I watched my mother do for everyone else and then have to short change herself because she gave so much. Most women find themselves in this position. We are givers and nurtures. It's in our genetics. We are more than willing to put our own hopes, dreams and desires on the back burner so that we can support our children, husband, family, friends, community and anyone in need. 

I found myself beginning to walk in the same footsteps of my mother and grandmother. Sacrificing to see smiles on everyone else's face until one day it hit me that I was not smiling. I was not doing the things I wanted to do so that I could make sure everyone else had what they wanted and needed. Although I did those things with love, I recognized the sacrifice that no one else could see because I always made it look so easy. *adjusts crown* So when I didn't feel like it was appreciated I would go OFF!!! Like cussing people out and cutting them off. A protection mechanism of sorts. Yes. Very extreme but it seemed healthy to me......until I talked to my therapist about it. LOL!

Guess who saved the hero after she saves the world. A therapist. I learned that my "crown syndrome" made me feel obligated to go out of my way for people that I care about even at times when those same sentiments weren't being reciprocated or even really appreciated. Therapy made me realize that it is perfectly fine for me to "worry about myself" and that I could not help anyone if I wasn't happy with my own life.

There is a reason that you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, in the event of emergency. How can you save anyone if you can't breathe? You can't. Save yourself. You are responsible for yourself, hero. Get in therapy. Therapy is like the best thing ever. They are legally obligated to keep aaaaallllll your secrets. LOL! Learn your limits. Don't feel guilty about saying "no". "No" is a complete sentence.

Yes. Life comes at you fast. Sometimes things can get overwhelming even when you are taking care of yourself. Crying in itself is a sort of therapy. Let it out, in private, wipe your tears, then get back to business. You can't save yourself or the world if you spend too much time crying about it. LOL!

I say all of this to say, Fancy is trying to save you from yourself. You can be the hero. We need more heroes and heroins in this world. Just make sure you aren't saving everyone and losing yourself. Save yourself. Save the world. Cry when you get overwhelmed. Fix your crown. Fasten your cape. And get back to saving.

Open Minds Learn More

One of the things that I've learned in life is that everyone can teach you something. EVERYONE. I pride myself on adding value to all of my relationships. However, always being a giver can be draining. The blessing in being a giver and a helper is that you attract other givers and helpers. I am surrounded by awesome people who are always willing to lend a helping hand offer knowledge.

In the past 3 months, I have learned a LOT about people around me as well as learned a lot from them. 

Most importantly I learned two very pertinent things that have changed the way I look at my health and how I take care of my hair. Priorities. LOL!

http://www.foodandtravelfun.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/fruit-smoothies.jpg

Lesson #1: All smoothies are not created equal.
I have a girlfriend and business partner who battles with high blood pressure and has to watch her diet so she does not become an insulin dependent diabetic. We're having girl talk at her dining room table and she's telling the story about how her doctor tried to come for the nutritional supplement we are marketing. The doctor compares the ingredients to one of the products they are marketing in the doctor's office and sees that what we have is better. My girlfriend had been putting the product, a protein shake, in her breakfast smoothie. And just like me, the breakfast smoothie had been consisting of mostly fruit and maybe some kale or spinach. We all know fruit has natural sugars but what we didn't consider is that making a fruit smoothie may overload you with sugar. Even though fruit sugar is not bad for you. Too much of anything is not good. The doctor explained that the breakfast smoothies should have more vegetables than fruit to avoid sugar overload. 

https://c4.staticflickr.com/8/7418/11026441715_35960b97b4_b.jpg

Imagine that. All these years, I've been doing the breakfast smoothie and was going it wrong. Now I know. LOL!

Lesson #2: Beauty secrets in unexpected places

With my natural hair consults business, I also make a product. Whipped shea butter with some added oils to help with the most common problem in our natural hair community, keeping hair moisturized. I was at my cousin's birthday dinner, talking with her friends about hair and different products and techniques. My mother just so happened to have some of my product samples in her purse. Gotta love mothers. Then, my cousin's friend tells me one of the best products to seal moisture in skin and hair. This product helps protect from heat when heat styling. Something else you can get from the grocery store. The product is......Crisco. Yes, the Crisco shortening that our grandmothers use for cooking. Go ahead and Google it. People have been using Crisco for YEARS in their beauty regimen. Just don't eat it. LOL!

I am always listening and learning. My way is tried and true for me but I know there could be a better way out there. Life teaches us everyday. All lessons aren't taught in the classroom. Education can be anywhere. Have an open mind and you will be able to learn beyond what you ever imagined.

We would love to work with you at Fancy Free, LLC. We specialize in health and wellness but the personal growth you gain from working with us is phenomenal. Contact us at (410) 929-0302 today for your complimentary consultation to see how we can help you expand.

Sooooo....my husband is a Certified Turn-Upologist

When did you first fall in love with hip hop? Hahahahaha!!! Naw. That's not how we met. But close enough. As corny as it may sound, my husband and I were band geeks. Our friendship/crushing began on the drum line of Poly/Western's combined marching band back in the late 90's. Being in the marching band was so much fun in high school. No hanky panky back then, just friends. All the way through college we were just friends. We always shared the love for music. Well, for us, it is a love for 808's and dope beats.

Fast forward 15 years after high school, we debate what song is the hottest. We sit in my car after I got my sub woofer installed to listen to the latest trap music at ignorant volumes. No dining room table in our first house, that was replaced with a drum set. We panic when the surround sound at the house isn't working because we can't listen to our "housework" music. We travel long distances to go to concerts. Our current home even has a music room with assorted instruments, were we have private rock out sessions. To those who know us, we are fans of good music. Music of all genres. Not that being a DJ is a natural progression but it's not a surprise. 

After finishing school and residency, we were able to go out a little bit more. We even started having more parties at our house. He keeps an ongoing list of "party songs" or "bangaz", that's what he calls them, in his phone. That guy always ends up in the DJ booth, giving suggestions for what to play next. When he was asked to be the Hype Man for a Raven's play off party, he did such a good job, he was invited back for the Raven's Super Bowl party. That was confirmation for him. So, when his father gave him an iPod Touch, that was all she wrote.

I really don't pay much attention to what he's doing on the internet. But, I quickly realized what he had been spending his evenings searching for on our 7th anniversary. I wanted to buy him a new coat and was disappointed when it sold out. His response to my explaining that I couldn't get him the gift I wanted to buy him was, "Eff dat coat. I already know what I want." and proceeded to log on to MY eBay account, found his mixer and purchased it, using MY PayPal information.

The mixer arrived the next day and he's been practicing his mixing skills almost every evening, faithfully. Practice makes perfect and he is getting really good. He knows what to play and when to play it. His blends are on point, so we decided to share it with the people. His official debut as a DJ/Turn-Upologist was on a cold Friday in February at our house. We had a ball. My doctor DJ rocks! Shout out to Devan for capturing the fun while Fancy Fotos was on hostess duty.

Being a supportive wife can be overwhelming sometimes. I'm glad I just kept my mouth shut and only offered words of encouragement. My husband is stepping out of his comfort zone and trying something different. Yes, he is a doctor but he needs to feed the music lover in him. I couldn't think of a more productive way for him to do that, mainly because I'm a hustler and this is a hobby we can monetize. Tee hee.

Everything you want in life is right outside of your comfort zone. That's what living the Fancy life is all about. We can support you on your Fancy journey. We have the tools you need for personal growth that give you the confidence to do what you REALLY want to do, live Fancy. 

Check DJ P.O.P. out, live on vvcradio.com on Sunday, March 1, 2015 from 2a-4a.

Text WOODS to 55469 if you want our help on                                                                                           your journey to Fancy living.