As a newly minted naturalista, I spent a lot of time AND money trying out different hair products. I could never find anything that got it quite right which is why I started making my own. However, Shea Moisture quickly became one of my staple products for shampooing and conditioning. So much so that I often recommend it to my Natural Hair Consult clients. It's relatively inexpensive and chemical free, right in line with the Fancy Free motto - Fancy and Free of Chemicals. The fact that it's owned by a black family was a plus. An awesome plus. A big plus. However, in 2015, a larger company, Bain Capital, became an investor to the family owned and run Shea Moisture. With big investors come new "visions" for the company. We know that. It never fails. BUT when loyal customers, black women, voiced their concerns about what the new investors meant for the company and products, Shea Moisture executives reassured us that nothing about Shea Moisture's core values would change. In fact, partnering with an investor allowed Shea Moisture to free up resources that gave them more freedom and capitol to invest in the community. So they said. The reality is, to grow as a company, you need more money to expand. Dassit. Dassall.
Now, when I saw the name "Bain", y'all know what I thought of, right? Bane, the villain in that last Batman movie. I'm just saying. And the fact that Mitt Romney is part owner of the company, a rich, white man.... I'm just trying to figure out how this conversation even started. Anyway, my experience in the corporate world is that no one cares about the people, only the bottom line. So let's see how this plays a role in this Shea Moisture ad fiasco.
Black women spend an average of $7.5 billion dollars every year on beauty products. Let that sink in. Seven. Point. Five. But what do people with money want? MORE MONEY!!! If we have loyalty from our black women, how do we expand our territory? Market to them. I'm sure that's how the board meeting went. And then the marketing team came up with that "interesting" campaign for hair products. And WE WENT AWF! Like, seriously. We get it. You want to expand, so you switch up your target audience but at what cost?
I started selling Fancy Free for Hair & Skin in March 2015 but I had been making it for myself since 2012. By summer 2015, I had an official logo, the Fancy Girl. A black girl, with big hair. She looks like me. She looks like my friends. She looks like a lot of the people who buy my products. My vision for Fancy Free is big.....YUGE - Donald Trump. In the beginning, I had some suggest I remove my beloved Fancy Girl to make it less ethnic. And it's true, when I'm out vending, some non-African Americans look at my banner and keep walking because they thinking it's not for them. However, the ones that try it, love it. They were not deterred by the brand of products that looks like it's not for them. They just wanted quality product. White isn't always right. African Americans rush to buy items that we never meant for us. Like, seriously, any shapely woman knows not to even try to fit into a pair of True Religion jeans. THEY WEREN'T MADE FOR US!!! Some designers have blatantly stated that they don't want black people wearing their clothes. They don't market to us. But we still buy for whatever reason.
I wish that the Shea Moisture executives had put their foot down at that meeting. I wish we didn't know that Shea Moisture thought that black women, who spend $7.5 billion dollars on beauty products, just wasn't enough for them. However, because we told them how we felt, they learned a valuable lesson and will tweak their approach. But....the damage is already done. I will still buy but only when I catch a B1G1 sale to combine with my coupons and can get it for next to nothing.
Shameless Plug Alert:
Fancy Free, LLC. is the manufacturer of quality products for hair and skin. Our motto is "Keeping you chemical free." Visit our website, www.fancyfreellc.com, to see a full range of our products and services. Sine up for our mailing list to receive natural hair tips and stay up to date on sales and the latest happenings with Fancy Free.
One of my loves, who is actually the reason why I started blogging again after taking a couple years hiatus, started a meet up for black women entrepreneurs. I was very picky about how I spent my time because, well, I didn't have much to spare. However, since taking my jump, I'm more open to opportunities to network and get out of the house. I'm oucheah! Cuz ain't nobody gonna know about my product if I don't get out in deez streetz and tell them.
Anyway, the meet up was such a blessing. It was a protected space where we, black women, who always have to be strong and look like we have it together, could be vulnerable and express our needs. A few key takeaways were that:
Entrepreneurship is lonely
It is scientifically proven that human beings are designed to operate in a team
Let's start with the loneliness of it all, as I sit in my living room alone writing this blog. Yeah. It seems cool to have the freedom during the day to schedule things as I please. I don't have the constant interruptions of office mates and colleagues asking me dumb questions. However, that can backfire because I am alone with my thoughts, which leads to the next take a way.....
Human beings are designed to operate in a team. We are not meant to do things alone. It leads to the dreaded emotional roller coaster that comes with entrepreneurship. There are days when you feel like you can take over the world and get it all done. There are other days where it is all too much and you just wanna take a nap. Then there are the days that you feel like you aren't doing enough, that you are a complete loser, and you start to rethink your life choices. All because you're by yourself. I mean, look at some stories of people being stranded after some kind of accident. A group of people is more likely to survive than a single person in the exact same circumstances. Let that sink in.
So, even though I know all of that, I had a bad day this week. I did it too myself. It was not warranted. I started comparing my progress to someone else's. I wondered if I could make it happen. I wondered when my growth would reach it's tipping point. I wondered what I was doing wrong. Then I snapped out of it and gave myself some kudos, like my therapist taught me. After that, I had a conversation with a sister friend about being emotional. She reminded me of who I am and also reminded me of the source of those emotions *whispers* cuz she knows my real life. Then said "You'll be alright. Just keep swimming." She was right. I snapped out of it.
But then I had to talk about that roller coaster moment with someone who was at the meet up with me. My cousin, who is also my attorney. I hit her up and said "cousin confessions". LOL! I told her about my emotional roller coaster and what triggered it. We laughed at me for being "crazy" then we started talking about strategy and timelines. We had a few "ah ha" moments and felt good about Fancy Free when we ended the conversation.
The point is, who knows how long I would've been in that funk had I not reached out to my team to at
least talk about it. Entrepreneurship is not easy. It takes a lot of mental tenacity to make it through each day with the growth, set backs, highs, and lows. Any success story has a team of people pushing the main character through. Your team does not have to be in the same industry, it's just important to have a safe place where you can be vulnerable and receive encouragement.
In the end, I know that I made the right decision. My father and husband always remind me that the tough choice is usually the best choice and that nothing worth having will be easy to come by.
Shameless Plug Alert:
Fancy Free, LLC. is the manufacturer of quality products for hair and skin. Our motto is "Keeping you chemical free." Visit our website, www.fancyfreellc.com, to see a full range of our products and services. Sine up for our mailing list to receive natural hair tips and stay up to date on sales and the latest happenings with Fancy Free.
Soooooo, I used to have time to blog regularly. Then I started a business. Then I had a baby. Then I went back to work. Then business started picking up. Life became crazy but the whole time, I was working on myself. Not just growing my business but growing as a person. Improving how I manage my time. Improving my relationships. Loving myself more. Not being so hard on myself. Reading more. Meditating. Eating better. I also began to grow out of things. Outgrow relationships. Outgrow activities. You get the point.
Fast forward to today. I have finally fully retired from healthcare to pursue my passion. And, also, allowing what has been chasing me my entire life to catch up to me. You see, I grew up in a salon. I feel like every woman in my family has a cosmetology license, including my mother. I even worked in a salon while in grad school and apprenticed under my mother but never took the exam. What some may see is a woman who started small, business picked up, opportunities are presenting, so I decided to go for it. What people don't know is that this was written. Business is picking up, so I need more space to manufacture. What will that space look like? Eventually, it will be a beauty salon. That's the 2 year plan. All that running from cosmetology has come full circle. LOL!
In college, even though my career path was not clear, I knew I did not want to work beyond the age of 35. At the time, I thought I would work a little bit and then my husband would take care of me. LOL! I mean, my mother is a stay at home mom, why can't I be one too? No one knew this. I never shared it with my husband. Why? Well, life happens. Reality hits you. I assumed that we could not sustain our lifestyle on one salary, so my intention was to stay in healthcare until I was retirement age. While I had reached my career goals by the age of 30, I thought I'd develop new ones for healthcare related advancement in my career. Nope. That's not what happened. Once I mastered my job function, I was looking for a new challenge. This was right around the time when I began my journey in multilevel marketing.
Say what you want about multilevel marketing, but for me, it was an eye opener. I was open minded and I realized how powerful I really am. I learned about myself. I realized that sitting in a windowless office, tucked away in the corner of a blood bank was not what Jehovah intended for me. I thought that multilevel marketing would be my ticket to a Fancy Free life but it didn't work out that way. Turned out that Fancy Free was my ticket. It had been right under my nose for about 2 years. I started selling the hair product. More and more women were scheduling natural hair consults. Fancy Free business was picking up. 500% growth in my second year of business. Those numbers happened during a year where I was working on a HUGE project at work, pregnant, oh yeah, and had a baby. This all got me thinking. If I grew this much with wishy washy, inconsistent marketing, imagine what I could do if I focused all of my energy on Fancy Free. Endless possibilities. No limits.
So there it was, staring me in my face, my destiny. But how was I going to transition? Our household
budget included my, now half time, salary. Simple. Get out of debt. If we paid off all of our credit cards, we could afford to live off of my husband's salary. Simple. Not easy though. LOL! So we got to work. Scaled back on splurging. We were chopping that debt down, big time. The whole time, my work environment was becoming more miserable. Once my focus shifted from being a Specialist in Blood Bank to growing as a CEO, I no longer wanted to spend time blood banking. I wanted to be building Fancy Free. So EVERYTHING irritated me. It was time to go.
Once we set a date, that's when the magic began. You see, when you begin to walk in your purpose, the flood gates open and everything works toward helping you receive the desires of your heart. Things lined up in a way that I couldn't have even imagined for myself. I never told my husband I wanted to retire by 35. I kept it close to my heart. Between Jehovah and I. But I was open and flexible. The silence while meditating let Him speak to me. I just listened. Now, here I am at 36 years old and retired. Only one year behind schedule. I mean, the Jews wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, so 1 year isn't so bad.
No, all of our debt isn't completely paid off but we're on our way. No, I don't have a building yet. But the reality is, all of your ducks are never going to line up the way you want them to before you take the "jump". Jehovah wants you to rely on Him and not your own understanding. When we humble ourselves, accept that there a lot of things that we just don't know, and actively seek guidance, things happen, BIG things happen.
What are the desires of your heart? Go after them with all you've got. There is nothing you can't do once you've made up your mind.
Shameless plug alert:
Fancy Free, LLC. is the manufacturer of quality products for hair and skin. Our motto is "Keeping you chemical free." Visit our website, www.fancyfreellc.com, to see a full range of our products and services. Sine up for our mailing list to receive natural hair tips and stay up to date on sales and the latest happenings with Fancy Free.
I dealt with much internal turmoil in the first half of 2016. How did I get there? I'm a reasonable person. A forgiving person. A generous person. Maybe that's how. I allowed someone who had hurt me repeatedly back in to my life. Not without hesitation but I feel like we all make mistakes and we all grow from our missteps. I mean, if someone has the courage to come to me, admit how they were wrong, and apologize, who am I to continue to shut them out?
Fast forward to September 2015, I found myself in a position where I had been betrayed by the person. Betrayed and hurt again. But this time, I wasn't surprised by these antics. After all, I invited them in. EYE put myself in the position. I trusted again when I shouldn't have. I learned a tough lesson that cost me. Not only time but money as well.
I know that I can't expect everyone to treat me the way I'd like to be treated. I know everyone wasn't raised the same, but to be slapped in the face with that reality by someone who has been in your house, breaking bread with your family is tough. I had literally been defeated because I wasn't dealing with honest and reasonable person but, deep down, I knew I wouldn't have felt any resolve even if I had won. I typically have no problem cutting people and situations off with the swiftness but this situation really bothered me. I couldn't figure out what the REAL issue. So, I did what I always do. In true scientist fashion, I went to gather data from everyone who knew the details.
I started by immediately re-listening to "The 48 Laws of Power". I would say reading but I've read it already so I listen to it on YouTube while in my office. Multi-tasking. LOL! After listening, I realized what I did wrong and how the situation could've been handled differently for a more positive outcome. When I say positive, I mean, how I could've gotten what I wanted. *shrugs* No shame. The lessons taught in "The 48 Laws Of Power" teach that while you have to be strategic in your actions, sometimes you also have to humble yourself and lose a battle or two in order to win the war. So, I checked myself. It didn't have to end that way but I was more focused on what I thought was right instead of by any means necessary in order to win. BOOM!
Then I talked about it in therapy because knowing how I could've handled the situation differently still didn't fix that nagging feeling. Like, why did this bother me so badly if I saw it coming eventually? Well, my therapist was able to get me to see how I was tying this situation into some other unsettling relationships in my life. It was my "lightbulb" moment. Once I figured that out, I was able to drop that nagging feeling like a hot potato. The biggest weight was lifted from me. It was literally like storm clouds cleared the sky and the sun came shining through, complete with a rainbow and angels singing.
This situation taught me some valuable lessons about myself and human nature. Sometimes people just don't like you. Don't try to figure it out. Their poor taste doesn't diminish your value. It doesn't make you a bad person, a bad friend, a bad sister, a bad mother, a bad daughter, a bad wife.....none of that stuff. Sometimes you don't get closure and you have to be okay with that. Leave it alone. Going back will only result in more hurt. Sometimes you just have to take the gut punches in order to get what you want. Man up. Take it.
My life has become so jam packed that I no longer have time to sit down and read. So I consolidate activities. I listen to books while I'm doing activities that I'd normally require music. Exercising, folding laundry, whipping shea, etc. Right now, I'm listening to Russell Simmon's book, Super Rich. He talks about meditation and becoming a business yogi and it has me doing some serious self evaluation. Yes, I am "Fancy". How'd I get that name anyway? To me, I'm just a hippie who is very particular about some things and does not care about most other things. LOL! Where am I going with my business ventures? What direction am I taking my professional life? I do what I do because I'm good at it, not necessarily because I have a burning passion for it.
At 21 years old, I decided that I'd be a blood bank boss. I did the training, got the certifications and BOOM! By 29 years old, I had accomplished that goal. I perfected blood bank bossing by the age of 32 and was ready to move on to another challenge.What's next?
Direct sales. Direct sales is AWESOME SAUCE!!! But only if you're up for a challenge. It requires a hell of a lot of personal growth. Only the strong make it to the other side. The other side being residual income. You also have to inspire that in other people who may not be ready in order to maintain and grow your team, which also maintains and grows your income. What I got out of it? I learned that I am an entrepreneur at heart. I am a creative. As an employee, I need flexibility in order to flourish. I learned that I will see exponential growth and feel success beyond my wildest imagination if I put the same passion and consistency that I put into managing a blood bank behind my own product. My imagination does not have any limitations. EYE have the power to make what I visualize in my head into a reality. The personal development required to be successful in direct sales helps you see that if you can believe it, it can be yours. I visualized my successes in my career. Direct sales got me visualizing what success as "Fancy Free" looks like and it looks like a lot of time in the pool or a beach. Nothing too fancy but definitely free.
The words of "Super Rich" made me realize that I already have it all. I already have it all. I am enjoying the process of becoming. In becoming a business yogi. In becoming a mother. In becoming a wife. Just becoming better all around. I have material success and titles but I know that titles do not define me. As a matter of fact, whenever I'm engaged in a conversation that starts with "So, what do you do?", I usually say I'm a stripper or wet nurse. In my mind, if the first thing you're asking me when we meet is about my line of work and we're not in a work environment, I don't necessarily want to talk to you anyway. In my mind, we ain't got nothing in common. LOL! Now I'm ready to take this life to another level by being even more focused and operating on an even higher level of consciousness.
With that being said, I did a self check. I looked at my proverbial stove. All of the burners are going. I'm turning the heat down on 3 of the 4 burners and turning it up on just one. Everything else will have to blend in with that thing. If it doesn't mesh with my vision, I ain't doing it. I'm sooooo excited about this new clarity. I wasn't sure what was holding me back from going all in. Now I realize it was because I was unsure about something. Now that I'm sure, I'm going for it. Full steam ahead.
It's so amazing what reflection and self correction can do for your life. The day that I had this moment, I had an opportunity waiting for me in my inbox. If this is not affirmation, I don't know what is. When you chase something, it will run away. When embrace your purpose and your passion, you will attract your heart's desires.
I often find myself stopping in the middle of whatever I'm doing just to stare at my son. If he's awake, I'll talk to him, read to him, sing to him. If he's sleeping, I'll stare at him, rub his cheeks, kiss on him, rub his head. To me, he's perfect. A perfect combination of his father and I. A perfect culmination of what my life has become.
Adjusting to life with my perfect little prince has been interesting. I'm learning a lot about myself. I don't care about the same things I used to care about. All I want to do now is make sure he gets every opportunity I had and more. But I'm also struggling to find balance. Taking care of a newborn is VERY time consuming and I'm also working toward building a financial portfolio. I want to leave him with a legacy not bills.
Me trying to "find balance" is me saying I need to manage my time better. When I say "I don't have time." now, it means something completely different than when I used to say it a year ago. A year ago, it meant more so "I can't be bothered". LOL! You know, being shady. But now, I really just don't have time. I have stuff to do. I'm constantly moving. Straightening the house. Doing laundry. Running errands. Making shea. Shipping shea. Talking to people about Thrive. Looking for properties to invest in. And allllll of those things come AFTER I perform wife and mother duties. Because, to me, those things are most important.
You see, I am blessed with a very supportive husband who has enough faith in my abilities to agree for me to give up my full time salary so that I can spend more time working on my entrepreneurial ventures and raise our son. The last thing I want to do is make him feel like I don't have time for him. And my son. He's such a joy. I really just want to play with him all day but I have to "adult" also.
In short, I've been a mother for 12 weeks and my whole world has been turned upside down. I couldn't be happier with the way my life is set up. I find myself close to Beyonce "I'm so blessed" tears. But I'm a thug so I don't cry. LOL! I'm focused on conquering time management and balance while I try to fit everything I need to do in between snuggling and loving on my son and husband.
Mother's Day 2016 with 16 day old Prez & Qilla Quenton, the cat
So, it's Mother's Day. My first Mother's Day as a real mother. When I say real mother, I mean, as a woman whom has risked her life to bring another life into this world. You see, I have a rack of god kids and I consider myself to be a sister mama cuz I helped raise my younger sisters but this year is special. I gave birth to a man child of my own. It's even more special because I nearly lost my life doing it.
That's right. I came very close to the very thing I was so anxious about with childbirth, dying. So instead of basking in the joys of watching my son sleep peacefully while my husband naps, I am getting my will together cuz life is short, it happens fast and I don't want my family to be like Prince's family if I were to pass away suddenly. Not that I have $300 million to fight over but I got a little something something that I worked hard for and I want it to be distributed properly. It doesn't hurt that our financial adviser has been hounding us for it ever since we told him we were having a baby.
But back to how I almost died giving birth to my son.....
My due date was April 26, but I had a dream that my son would be born on April 23. I was certain it was Jesus telling me to prepare so I decided that my last day of work would be April 21. That way I'd have 2 days to relax and do some stuff around the house. I know, I know. A planner to the end but if you fail to plan.....
39 weeks pregnant in my office
On my last day of work, I went in having contractions that were about 5-10 minutes apart. They started at about 2 am, so I figured I'd get my morning meetings out of the way and see what was going to happen. I packed my hospital bag and went into work around 6:30 am to try to get as much done as possible before I HAD to leave. Well, it was a false alarm. The contractions subsided and I completed my last day of work as a full day. Even straightened up my offices a little bit. Then at 8:30 pm, the contractions started again and they didn't stop. We made our way to the hospital and my cervix was 5 cm dilated. I was already 1-2 cm at my last doctors appointment, so I was thinking "3 cms in 2 hours. I think I can do this natural thing." And by "natural thing", I meant, no epidural. My son had a different idea.
3 day old Prez in Daddy's hand
Everyone who see's or holds my son says that he is so calm and peaceful, but that caused a problem when I was trying to get him here. Supposedly, natural labor is not as long as labor with an epidural because you can move around and the baby descends faster than when you are confined to a bed. But they wouldn't let me move or walk around because his heart rate wasn't increasing when I had contractions. He was just chilling. Heart rate was steady. Straight across the board. Like another day at the office. So I had to stay in bed with a monitor attached to me, like I had an epidural. This made natural labor miserable. And even though my husband was a great coach, I began to think "Why am I torturing myself? Just get the epidural." So, I did. I made it to 8 cm without one but my son wasn't descending or responding to the contractions. I felt defeated but I was exhausted with no sleep the night before. So, my husband and I took a nap. LOL!
But we didn't nap for long because something was happening. I had one looooooonnnngggg contraction and my son didn't like it so his heart rate started to drop. They broke my water to relieve pressure, gave me something to stop my contractions and stabilize his heart rate. He came back around. But my contractions were losing steam AND I had regressed from 9 cm dilated back to 8 cm *deep sigh*. Meanwhile, my son STILL was not responding to contractions or moving down. What did the doctor do about that? Gave me pitocin to make my contractions stronger and faster. Then they put me in this weird "pretzel" position to try to get him to come down.
After being in the pretzel for a little while, I started having back labor. This is was worse pain than regular labor. It was HORRIBLE. I broke down. I cried like a baby. And I do NOT cry. I might shed one thug tear but there is no crying in the "Fancy Life". They showed me how to work the epidural bolus but that wasn't relieving any pain. Finally my doctor came in asking me the big question "What you wanna do?" She explained that I could start pushing to see if I'd dilate some more OR they could do a C-section. My response..."Just get the baby out." I was defeated, in pain, exhausted and I just wanted to meet my kid. So they began the emergency C-section prep. The anesthesiologist comes in to put in the spinal nerve block and asks if I want something a little stronger for the back pain. YYYEEESSSSS!!!! It went down hill from there.
3 day old Prez
While in the pretzel position, my epidural line had moved from my empty spinal space to my vascular space. Meaning, it got inserted into a vein. The anesthesiologist saw how much pain I was in and immediately gave a dose of lidocaine into my epidural line, not knowing that it was in a vein. That lidocaine went STRAIGHT to my brain and I was out. I passed out. I threw up. I started seizing. I had no detectable pulse for about 3 minutes. I coded. They were trying everything to resuscitate me. The whole time, my son's heart rate was steady. Unbothered. I came back like I never left. Like I never skipped a beat. That little episode scared my husband. He said it was the longest 3 minutes of his life. He never gets scared, so I knew it was serious. He said he just kept praying and focused on our son's steady heartbeat until they found my pulse.
The anesthesiologist fixed the problem with my epidural line and inserted the spinal nerve block. I had no problems with my C-section. My son came out with a nice healthy cry. He got quiet after they cleaned him up and spent that time with us in the operating room just looking around and observing with his calm and peaceful spirit.
During my recovery, the anesthesiologist came to check on me and explained how he should have tested the line but saw how much pain I was in and just wanted to give me something. I understood that. That episode reinforces why we can't skip steps in medical care. He also explained that had it been another medication, other than lidocaine, I could have went into cardiac arrest and passed away. That is scary. The thought of my husband raising our son alone brings me to tears. I had "epidural" guilt. I was thinking that I was selfish to not want to endure the pain of childbirth and it could've cost me my life. But it didn't. I'm healthy. No side effects of the lidocaine, so we think - my husband says he's keeping an eye on me. My son is healthy. No worries.
It's funny, but not funny, how a near death experience that you don't even remember can put life into perspective. Life is too short not to enjoy the little things. Stop to smell the roses. Be in the moment, where ever you are. Be patient with people and situations. It's never really that serious. Life comes at you fast, so make sure you're happy with it. Quit the job you hate. Jehovah will take care of you. Leave that relationship that makes you miserable. You can do bad by yourself. Focus on the good and good in your life will multiply.
As I receive well wishes on my first mother's day, I have a greater appreciation for the day and being able to give life.
Now, when I saw the name "Bain", y'all know what I thought of, right? Bane, the villain in that last Batman movie. I'm just saying. And the fact that Mitt Romney is part owner of the company, a rich, white man.... I'm just trying to figure out how this conversation even started. Anyway, my experience in the corporate world is that no one cares about the people, only the bottom line. So let's see how this plays a role in this Shea Moisture ad fiasco.
