How to be "Fancy"

As some hip-hop/R&B songs indicate that in order to be "Fancy" you have to rock designer duds, drive expensive cars, and spend all of your time in the spa and salon getting your hair and nails did.

That is definitely NOT my life. I don't have many designer clothes. Just a few pieces, but you better believe I found them on somebody's clearance rack or on some of my favorite discount websites. Hmph! I do drive a luxury car but I bought it used and haggled the salesman down to the ground just cuz I gotta have the deal. I try to avoid the salons at all costs and I typically only comb my hair once every 2-3 weeks. Don't judge me? It looks super cute when I don't comb it. LOL!
Now, I do make regular visits to the spa. I consider bi-weekly manicures and pedicures to be maintenance. Chippy polish is not Fancy approved and my husband insists that my toes are polished as well. I am very particular about my nails, so I only go to one person but, in all honesty, a mani/pedi in a nail shop might set you back about $35. Moral of the story: Being Fancy doesn't necessarily mean spending a lot of money.

Living this Fancy life requires that I get as much bang for my buck as possible. I'm always going for the deal, the sale, the discount, the trade and the hook up. I look for the highest quality at the lowest possible cost. The motto for my household is: "Quote me the lowest possible price you will accept, then go lower." I rely on discount membership only stores, Groupon, Craigslist, eBay, "Google", the list is pretty extensive. However, I find that people are my biggest resource.
I make nice with EVERYONE. I don't discount anyone because of their "status" or income or education. You never know when you will need someone. I try to bring value to all of my relationships because, quite frankly, being known as "the friend who always needs something" is NOT Fancy. We are all blessed in some way. I strongly believe that a blessing isn't a blessing until you can use it to bless someone else. I help where I can without expecting anything in return. I give freely. Not because I want something in return, but because I am giver. As a result, I have a long list of resources at my disposal that can be considered "Fancy hook up" contacts.

Be Fancy. We all have one guilty pleasure. It's totally fine to treat yourself.
That item you thought you couldn't afford is out there somewhere, right within your budget. You just have to find it.
Establish relationships with people. Be an asset in that relationship. Enjoy being a blessing to people when they need you. You never now when they will return the favor.

Until next time, enjoy your Fancy life.

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Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

My name is Iyonna. My mama picked this name. She thought she was giving me an African name but she changed the spelling in an attempt to be "different", bless her heart, which changed the origin and entire meaning of my name. You see, Ayana, which is what she was naming me, is Kiswahili for "beautiful flower". I know a number of Ayana's and they are all beautiful people. But when she changed the spelling to Iyonna, I became "gracious". Iyonna is a greek variation of "Hannah", which means "favored, gracious one". There is so much meaning in a name. Which brings me to how I came to be called "Fancy".
Like to hear it, here it go.....

In 2006, one of my bestest friends from high school and college was getting married. Of course I was in the wedding. The venue was perfect. Gorgeous. Regal. Palatial. Just perfect. When I walked in, I knew that the long, flowy dresses she had picked for us would be a perfect fit for the decor of the venue. However, with all gorgeous venues and historical architecture comes marble stairs. This would not have been a problem for me if I did not have to walk up marble stairs, in my long, flowy dress, in front of 125 people. You see, my name means "gracious" BUT I inherited the clumsy gene from my favorite guy in the world, my dad. My dad, who I've seen fall off of the roof, trip over absolutely nothing, come home from EVERY ski trip with some sort of injury. Yeah, I inherited "grace" from that guy. I digress, when the planner was instructing us to walk up the stairs in our long, flowy gowns so that I could stand by my friend while she proclaimed her love to her long time bew, I knew it was a recipe for disaster. So, at the rehearsal, I made the suggestions that our escorts help us up the stairs. I mean, that's the gentlemanly thing to do, right? Only thing is, this small adjustment wasn't what the wedding planner had in mind for our processional, so that meant the entire thing had to be revamped to accommodate Ms. Clumsily Gracious' suggestion. Listen, I know it may sound selfish but I was NOT about to be the one to upstage the entire ceremony by tripping up the stairs. Nope. I ain't gonna do it. My escort thought that my suggestion, while a good one, was very "Fancy" and proceeded to call me Fancy for the duration of the pre-wedding activities.

At first, I was kind of annoyed with him for calling me Fancy but then I started to take to it. I had never had a nickname as a child, as I had always demanded that family called me by my name, so I began to think that "Fancy" was a pretty cool nickname to have. I started incorporating Fancy in my "social media" name. People who knew me agreed with my new alias and people who were just meeting me thought it was my real name. I mean, that word described me perfectly. So, there it is, now I'm Fancy.

Now it's 2014 and I'm living "The Fancy Life". Let me be very clear, my "Fancy Life" ain't no crystal stair. I don't fake or front. I work hard. I have success. I have had failures. I find myself in stressful situations. I get hurt. I get sad. I feel pretty some days and not so pretty on other days. I have perfect hair sometimes but then I go weeks without combing it, so it's not so perfect at other times. I embrace life and all the challenges it has to offer and I am honest about my life, I am Fancy.

In my Fancy journey, I have interacted with all types of people and I develop relationships in some of the most unlikely places. I am a giver. I am a helper. I am a solution finder. I am a resource. I don't claim to know everything, even though my husband will disagree. I live in my truth. I know when to ask questions. The result: People come to me asking for help and I help when I can. If I don't have the answer, there is a 95% chance that I know someone who can help you out or I know someone who knows someone that can help.

Friends and family have been telling me that I have all the answers for a while. They say things like "Fancy be knowing" or "Fancy knows best." I usually laugh it off but yesterday, a friend suggested that I start a Fancy Life secrets blog after I inadvertently provided her with a contact she needed without even knowing she had been looking for it. Thus...."Fancyville" has been revamped and "Secrets to Living the Fancy Life" is born. Let everyone benefit from me and my resources. Even though there are no real secrets about my lifestyle. I want everyone to feel like they can enjoy the Fancy Life right along with me.
Stay tuned!

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Set "Us" Up For Failure

During my morning ritual, I turn to the Rickey Smiley morning show, on 92.3 FM, while I'm in the bathroom. It's the only time I listen to the radio. Rickey, Ebony, Rock T, and Gary are HILARIOUS!!! However, I was turned off when I heard Rock T doing advertisement for a "Payday Loan" company.

Now, I'm no Conspiracy Theorist or anything but I'm sure those "Payday Loan" companies are not paying for advertisement time on radio stations that minorities aren't tuning in to regularly. Having a few friends who are in marketing and public relations, I understand that companies target their audience when coming up with marketing and advertisement campaigns. What this said to me was that the "Payday Loans" company was thinking "Black folk are broke. Let's get 'em."

I have never obtained a pay day loan, but my understanding of how they work is that they are considered predatory loans. You borrow $1000 and have maybe two weeks to pay that loan in full. If you do not pay the loan in full, the interest rates are as high as 100%, making it almost impossible to repay the amount owed. Leading to collection agencies, negative effects on your credit score, and, in some cases, wage garnishment. All bad.

It makes me sad that our people misappropriate funds. I shake my head when I see young black women going through changes to obtain the latest designer hand bag. I get upset when I ride through low income areas and see an $80,000 car parked in front of a ran down home. But it PISSES ME OFF to see our people being targeted and preyed upon.

There is so much evidence that African-Americans have their financial priorities screwed up. We sometimes equate material possessions as a measure of success, so we tend to focus on the acquisition of "things" instead of obtaining financial stability and security. Everyone else sees it too, making us a target. I am really disappointed with Rock T for playing a significant role in this type of advertisement. He should know better. All money ain't good money. Be it borrowing from a "Payday Loan" company or getting paid to advertise to your people about it.

All-in-all, we need to do better. These types of companies wouldn't have money to advertise to us if we weren't utilizing their services. Until when turn things around, they will continue to "Set us up for failure".

Man Of The House

Disclaimer: This is an opinion based on observations. I am not, by any means, judging anyone in particular. I do not support acting like a wife prior to being a wife either.

So...here goes.

In the age of reality television, especially the "Wives" of whoever, we get a glimpse into peoples lives that we wouldn't ordinarily have a chance to see. We get to see wealthy, well off, kept, gold digger, resourceful women interact in staged situations that create drama for our entertainment. One of my favorite shows is "Love & Hip Hop". I love this show because it highlights different aspects of the "music industry" as it pertains to hip hop and R&B. We get to see

women play their roles in this industry: a manager, a mother, a long time girlfriend, girlfriends/baby mothers, a friend, an aspiring artist, and a struggling artist. Oddly, Love & Hip Hop does not boast any wives. I guess that's why it's not called "Hip Hop Wives". LOL! Anyway, I bring up Love & Hip Hop because one of the girlfriends, Chrissy, has been asked "What do you do?" or told "You're just a girlfriend" because she doesn't necessarily have a job/profession or a "hustle" as some like to say that is displayed on the show. This made me think about how society has changed. Some may say we have progressed, but to me, we've just changed.

Why is it such a big deal that Chrissy's boyfriend works to take care of his family? Is it a bad thing that he considers her a part of his family? Morally speaking, they should be

married but, if they were married, then the question would remain the same. I mean, what is the traditional husband/wife role anyway? Husband takes care of household by being a provider, wife takes care of husband by keeping the household in tact. It's in the bible, right? In the age where more and more women are getting college educated, the ratio of single mother's has increased as well, right along with men who are incarcerated. Although I am educated and have a career, I would gladly give up "Professional" for "Homemaker". I contribute to my household, financially, but my husband is still the "Man of the House", making final decisions and taking the lead when he should. I know my role as the wife. I speak my piece, but in the end, I submit. (Also in the bible)

While independence is championed, we fail to teach our daughters how to be wives. Therefor, our daughters don't know how to let a man be a man in his own house. Then, we criticize women who choose homemaking over a salary. Our school system used to teach Home Economics, now a lot of women don't even know how to boil an egg. Could it be because their mother was at work and possibly too busy to teach them how to cook? When a man finds a wife-or in Chrissy's case, girlfriend- he finds a good thing, says the bible. Don't be so quick to judge someone else's situation, especially when you do not know the true dynamics of it.

"Independent" women, if you are wondering why you are single, take a step back and evaluate yourself. It can't possibly be that EVERY man you've dated is a lying, cheating dog who just wasn't that into you. Is it possible that, as an independent woman, you aren't letting him be a man and take care of you the way he was designed to do?

Anyway, I hear that Chrissy is now engaged to be married. Congrats, girl! We're happy for you. Check out that ring!

I Want It All

For us, 2010 was a trying but fruitful year. While my husband and I had our ups and downs, as in any relationship, we were blessed with a beautiful, new home. We call it our dream home. However, buying a house was not in our 5 year plan. So the result of us buying our new home without preparation and planning was that we were broke. We've struggled financially before, but this was a new kind of broke we had never experienced before. It was a humbling experience for which we are thankful. But there are side effects when you go through this type of experience. Now that we are beginning to recover, financially, it's so hard to focus on paying those bills that accumulated in your financial disparity when you just want to buy EVERYTHING!!!!!
Things I want:
Boots, handbags, coats, shoes, jeans, jewelry, watches, artwork, chaise lounges, a new computer, an iPad, the iPhone 5, new cordless phones, lavish vacations, my custom closet, a fly 4WD truck, new comforter sets.....I could go on forever. I think I made my point.
Things WE need:
A pool cover, space heaters, roof repairs, new doors in the solarium, a few new windows, phone lines, a lawnmower, new wiring on the garage door opener, downspouts, water bill, car insurance, etc. Blah, blah blah! All boring, non-fun stuff.
The term "feast or famine" fits well in our situation. We've been in famine for longer than we've ever experienced before, we are anxious for a feast. We are being patient and appreciate our blessings......but I WANT IT NOW!!!
Ok. Rant over. LOL!

Beefing with Beyonce`

I consider myself to be a Bey Stan, but here is my personal beef. I used to be Aaliyah but since she has passed I've become Beyonce`. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I own EVERY tour DVD and CD starting from Destiny's Child first LP released in 1998. I usually make it my business to learn ALL of the choreography so that I can perform at local night clubs, house parties, or just home in the mirror. So you can only imagine how sad it made me when I realized that life decisions requiring adjustments in our household budget meant that I had to forego seeing Beyonce` in the flesh for both "B-Day" and "I am...Sasha Fierce" tours. I have the DVDs but still....

Now that things are coming together, my husband and I are recovering from our financial sacrifices (refer to previous blog entries for details) it was perfect timing for us to purchase VIP treatment tickets for the "IV" tour. This would make up for missing the other tours and be a treat for all of our accomplishments and sacrifices. I had my pennies all rolled and ready to go for "IV". I was a little suspicious when the tour dates weren't released with the album and even more suspicious when she did her intimate shows in NY. Mainly because she usually does those intimate shows as her world tour winds down. Yet, I was still prepared to see my Bey for the "IV" tour, only to have my dreams smashed to smithereens on Sunday when she announced that she was with child. Now I understand that she was ready to start her family, but we, yes WE, had plans.

For me, it feels like finding out your childhood friend is pregnant AFTER you have planned a big, extravagant vacation to Bora Bora followed by a back packing journey across Europe for next year. Which explains the lag time in posting my rant. I had to get myself together. I mean, you can still go on the vacation but it won't be the same without your sister from another mister. I would be excited about my expectant neice or nephew but sad about that fact that the plans we had are now null and void.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know what you're thinking, selfish. But it's only human nature to be a little self centered. I'm so happy for her and Jay, I really am, but the timing is all off. Being a planner, I can't see the strategy behind the timing of her pregnancy. Let's break this down.
1. Beyonce` and Jay JUST released the most critically acclaimed albums of their careers.
2. She won't be able to tour.
3. He won't be able to focus on tour because he's gonna want to be with his pregnant wife.
I just don't get it. I pray to Jehovah God that this is a strategic plan to leave us thirsty so that when she comes back post-partum, she will knock our socks off with music even more heart felt than before and performances that cannot be surpassed. I mean, she WILL have at least a year to work on material. Maybe she will even surprise us with some surprise apperances on the "Watch The Throne" tour.
And to think I was cheap when buying our "Watch The Throne" tickets in preparation for Bey. She owes us for this one....big time.

Our Work Is Done

This past weekend, my family moved one of my younger sister's in to her dorm at college. Although she's in Greensboro, NC at North Carolina A&T surrounded by family, literally, a small part of me cringes at the thought of one of my baby girls "fending" for herself. I feel like they are my children, as much as they are my parents' children. You see, with all of the washing bottles, changing diapers, braiding hair, endless babysitting, trips to the movies, weekends hanging out, talks about boys/sex, attitude adjustment lectures, coaching to make independent choices, I feel like I had a hand in raising them.
They turn 18 years old tomorrow and they have turned out to be great young women. And although I feel like we have set them up with all of the equipment to succeed and flourish, there is always a small part that thinks they will lose the instructions or forget the keys at home. If this is what it feels like as a sister, I can't imagine what it will be like when I send my own little chickadees off to college in 20 years or so. Nevertheless, I close my eyes and push them out of the tree because they should, indeed, know how to fly by now.
I pray that all of our talks and chanting "Boys are dumb!" stick with them as they enter the next phase of life. *sigh* We will see how these first semester grades look. LOL!