Set "Us" Up For Failure

During my morning ritual, I turn to the Rickey Smiley morning show, on 92.3 FM, while I'm in the bathroom. It's the only time I listen to the radio. Rickey, Ebony, Rock T, and Gary are HILARIOUS!!! However, I was turned off when I heard Rock T doing advertisement for a "Payday Loan" company.

Now, I'm no Conspiracy Theorist or anything but I'm sure those "Payday Loan" companies are not paying for advertisement time on radio stations that minorities aren't tuning in to regularly. Having a few friends who are in marketing and public relations, I understand that companies target their audience when coming up with marketing and advertisement campaigns. What this said to me was that the "Payday Loans" company was thinking "Black folk are broke. Let's get 'em."

I have never obtained a pay day loan, but my understanding of how they work is that they are considered predatory loans. You borrow $1000 and have maybe two weeks to pay that loan in full. If you do not pay the loan in full, the interest rates are as high as 100%, making it almost impossible to repay the amount owed. Leading to collection agencies, negative effects on your credit score, and, in some cases, wage garnishment. All bad.

It makes me sad that our people misappropriate funds. I shake my head when I see young black women going through changes to obtain the latest designer hand bag. I get upset when I ride through low income areas and see an $80,000 car parked in front of a ran down home. But it PISSES ME OFF to see our people being targeted and preyed upon.

There is so much evidence that African-Americans have their financial priorities screwed up. We sometimes equate material possessions as a measure of success, so we tend to focus on the acquisition of "things" instead of obtaining financial stability and security. Everyone else sees it too, making us a target. I am really disappointed with Rock T for playing a significant role in this type of advertisement. He should know better. All money ain't good money. Be it borrowing from a "Payday Loan" company or getting paid to advertise to your people about it.

All-in-all, we need to do better. These types of companies wouldn't have money to advertise to us if we weren't utilizing their services. Until when turn things around, they will continue to "Set us up for failure".

Man Of The House

Disclaimer: This is an opinion based on observations. I am not, by any means, judging anyone in particular. I do not support acting like a wife prior to being a wife either.

So...here goes.

In the age of reality television, especially the "Wives" of whoever, we get a glimpse into peoples lives that we wouldn't ordinarily have a chance to see. We get to see wealthy, well off, kept, gold digger, resourceful women interact in staged situations that create drama for our entertainment. One of my favorite shows is "Love & Hip Hop". I love this show because it highlights different aspects of the "music industry" as it pertains to hip hop and R&B. We get to see

women play their roles in this industry: a manager, a mother, a long time girlfriend, girlfriends/baby mothers, a friend, an aspiring artist, and a struggling artist. Oddly, Love & Hip Hop does not boast any wives. I guess that's why it's not called "Hip Hop Wives". LOL! Anyway, I bring up Love & Hip Hop because one of the girlfriends, Chrissy, has been asked "What do you do?" or told "You're just a girlfriend" because she doesn't necessarily have a job/profession or a "hustle" as some like to say that is displayed on the show. This made me think about how society has changed. Some may say we have progressed, but to me, we've just changed.

Why is it such a big deal that Chrissy's boyfriend works to take care of his family? Is it a bad thing that he considers her a part of his family? Morally speaking, they should be

married but, if they were married, then the question would remain the same. I mean, what is the traditional husband/wife role anyway? Husband takes care of household by being a provider, wife takes care of husband by keeping the household in tact. It's in the bible, right? In the age where more and more women are getting college educated, the ratio of single mother's has increased as well, right along with men who are incarcerated. Although I am educated and have a career, I would gladly give up "Professional" for "Homemaker". I contribute to my household, financially, but my husband is still the "Man of the House", making final decisions and taking the lead when he should. I know my role as the wife. I speak my piece, but in the end, I submit. (Also in the bible)

While independence is championed, we fail to teach our daughters how to be wives. Therefor, our daughters don't know how to let a man be a man in his own house. Then, we criticize women who choose homemaking over a salary. Our school system used to teach Home Economics, now a lot of women don't even know how to boil an egg. Could it be because their mother was at work and possibly too busy to teach them how to cook? When a man finds a wife-or in Chrissy's case, girlfriend- he finds a good thing, says the bible. Don't be so quick to judge someone else's situation, especially when you do not know the true dynamics of it.

"Independent" women, if you are wondering why you are single, take a step back and evaluate yourself. It can't possibly be that EVERY man you've dated is a lying, cheating dog who just wasn't that into you. Is it possible that, as an independent woman, you aren't letting him be a man and take care of you the way he was designed to do?

Anyway, I hear that Chrissy is now engaged to be married. Congrats, girl! We're happy for you. Check out that ring!

I Want It All

For us, 2010 was a trying but fruitful year. While my husband and I had our ups and downs, as in any relationship, we were blessed with a beautiful, new home. We call it our dream home. However, buying a house was not in our 5 year plan. So the result of us buying our new home without preparation and planning was that we were broke. We've struggled financially before, but this was a new kind of broke we had never experienced before. It was a humbling experience for which we are thankful. But there are side effects when you go through this type of experience. Now that we are beginning to recover, financially, it's so hard to focus on paying those bills that accumulated in your financial disparity when you just want to buy EVERYTHING!!!!!
Things I want:
Boots, handbags, coats, shoes, jeans, jewelry, watches, artwork, chaise lounges, a new computer, an iPad, the iPhone 5, new cordless phones, lavish vacations, my custom closet, a fly 4WD truck, new comforter sets.....I could go on forever. I think I made my point.
Things WE need:
A pool cover, space heaters, roof repairs, new doors in the solarium, a few new windows, phone lines, a lawnmower, new wiring on the garage door opener, downspouts, water bill, car insurance, etc. Blah, blah blah! All boring, non-fun stuff.
The term "feast or famine" fits well in our situation. We've been in famine for longer than we've ever experienced before, we are anxious for a feast. We are being patient and appreciate our blessings......but I WANT IT NOW!!!
Ok. Rant over. LOL!

Beefing with Beyonce`

I consider myself to be a Bey Stan, but here is my personal beef. I used to be Aaliyah but since she has passed I've become Beyonce`. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I own EVERY tour DVD and CD starting from Destiny's Child first LP released in 1998. I usually make it my business to learn ALL of the choreography so that I can perform at local night clubs, house parties, or just home in the mirror. So you can only imagine how sad it made me when I realized that life decisions requiring adjustments in our household budget meant that I had to forego seeing Beyonce` in the flesh for both "B-Day" and "I am...Sasha Fierce" tours. I have the DVDs but still....

Now that things are coming together, my husband and I are recovering from our financial sacrifices (refer to previous blog entries for details) it was perfect timing for us to purchase VIP treatment tickets for the "IV" tour. This would make up for missing the other tours and be a treat for all of our accomplishments and sacrifices. I had my pennies all rolled and ready to go for "IV". I was a little suspicious when the tour dates weren't released with the album and even more suspicious when she did her intimate shows in NY. Mainly because she usually does those intimate shows as her world tour winds down. Yet, I was still prepared to see my Bey for the "IV" tour, only to have my dreams smashed to smithereens on Sunday when she announced that she was with child. Now I understand that she was ready to start her family, but we, yes WE, had plans.

For me, it feels like finding out your childhood friend is pregnant AFTER you have planned a big, extravagant vacation to Bora Bora followed by a back packing journey across Europe for next year. Which explains the lag time in posting my rant. I had to get myself together. I mean, you can still go on the vacation but it won't be the same without your sister from another mister. I would be excited about my expectant neice or nephew but sad about that fact that the plans we had are now null and void.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know what you're thinking, selfish. But it's only human nature to be a little self centered. I'm so happy for her and Jay, I really am, but the timing is all off. Being a planner, I can't see the strategy behind the timing of her pregnancy. Let's break this down.
1. Beyonce` and Jay JUST released the most critically acclaimed albums of their careers.
2. She won't be able to tour.
3. He won't be able to focus on tour because he's gonna want to be with his pregnant wife.
I just don't get it. I pray to Jehovah God that this is a strategic plan to leave us thirsty so that when she comes back post-partum, she will knock our socks off with music even more heart felt than before and performances that cannot be surpassed. I mean, she WILL have at least a year to work on material. Maybe she will even surprise us with some surprise apperances on the "Watch The Throne" tour.
And to think I was cheap when buying our "Watch The Throne" tickets in preparation for Bey. She owes us for this one....big time.

Our Work Is Done

This past weekend, my family moved one of my younger sister's in to her dorm at college. Although she's in Greensboro, NC at North Carolina A&T surrounded by family, literally, a small part of me cringes at the thought of one of my baby girls "fending" for herself. I feel like they are my children, as much as they are my parents' children. You see, with all of the washing bottles, changing diapers, braiding hair, endless babysitting, trips to the movies, weekends hanging out, talks about boys/sex, attitude adjustment lectures, coaching to make independent choices, I feel like I had a hand in raising them.
They turn 18 years old tomorrow and they have turned out to be great young women. And although I feel like we have set them up with all of the equipment to succeed and flourish, there is always a small part that thinks they will lose the instructions or forget the keys at home. If this is what it feels like as a sister, I can't imagine what it will be like when I send my own little chickadees off to college in 20 years or so. Nevertheless, I close my eyes and push them out of the tree because they should, indeed, know how to fly by now.
I pray that all of our talks and chanting "Boys are dumb!" stick with them as they enter the next phase of life. *sigh* We will see how these first semester grades look. LOL!

Demolition

Since July 20, 2011, Baltimore City has been experiencing a heat wave. So today, I decided to take a different route to work in order to pick up a Mocha Frappe` from McDonald's instead of having my usual hot tea or coffee. I thought this was a pretty good idea, considering it was 88 degrees at 7:30am.
I digress, as I approached my job from a different angle, I noticed a building that my company had been scheduled to demolish by June 30 as an effort to make our campus appear more welcoming and obvious. I will conclude that they are running a little behind schedule considering that today's date is July 22. The reason I even paid attention to it was because the demolition of this building was the topic of "Break Room Discussion" yesterday. The discussion went as follows:
Co-Worker 1: When are they supposed to tear that building down?
Co-Worker 2: I THOUGHT by the end of June. I guess they are running behind schedule.
Co-Worker 3: What is so hard about tearing a building down? Just get a wrecking ball and wreck it.
*laughter from all three*
The discussion got me thinking about everyday life and how everyone claims to have "haters" nowadays.
For those who have true haters, you have to take it as a compliment. Tearing someone down is easy just like demolishing a building, way easier than using that energy to build something of their own. Their negative efforts are a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Be it envy or low self-esteem, haters hate what you represent, not you.
My Daddy's response when I would complain about something being hard was "If it were easy, everyone would be doing it." Meaning, demolition is easy, building is the hard part. So brush your shoulders off, keep going, continue building your empire. Don't you pay those haters no never mind. Remember, you have to have built something in order for someone to try to demolish it.
God bless.

Cool Parent Guidelines

One of my bossy aunts is in town for a while and is staying at my house. As I listen to her yell at her grandkids about playing the instruments in our Music Room AFTER I told her it was ok for them to do so. I got to thinking about the kind of parent I want to be.
In August, I will be 31 years old and I don't have any children yet. Biological children anyway. My younger siblings are 13 years my junior, so it's safe to say I helped raise them. In contrast to how my mother raised us and similar things I've observed in my family in regards to raising children, I don't want to be the "fusser". It seems that all of the women in my family fuss and yell when trying to communicate with their kids. I've always hated it but I realized there is a better way when watching my mother in law interact with her teenage students and my sister in law interact with her 5 year old son. It's a stern but fun loving approach.

1. Let kids be kids and have fun.
This rule implies that they aren't endangering themselves and others. So what if they make a mess or a lot of noise.  Have them help you clean up when they're done and learn to ignore noise.
2. Ask for help. Don't demand.
You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Not that you really want to catch flies but I think asking a kid to help you in the kitchen or with yard work is more effective than screaming "Wash these dishes!" at the top of your lungs. They become a part of a team and don't feel like "hired help".
3. Listen, don't lecture.
Having open communication with your kids will help you understand their point of view and hopefully, allow them to actually listen to what you have to say. I know as a teenager, I tuned out all of the lectures about why we have to fold laundry as soon as it's dry.
4. Be fluid with your rules but maintain the rules.
As adults, we have a certain way we like to do things and a certain way we like things to be done. We have to be patient with kids as they figure things out for themselves. If the kid has logical reasoning, go with their way. Being rigid doesn't get us anywhere.
5. If it's funny, they don't get in trouble.
Now this will be a Woods Estate Rule. Apply at your own risk. If my kids break a rule, but in their explanation, I can laugh about it, they probably won't get in trouble.

My husband and I are fun, silly, big kids at heart. I guess that's why kids in our lives call the Woods Estate the "Fun House". I hope that keeps us young. I pray that if we are blessed with children, they will be the same way. I know that children keep you young and can stress you out at the same time, so I pray that creating fun times will reduce the stressful times.