Demolition

Since July 20, 2011, Baltimore City has been experiencing a heat wave. So today, I decided to take a different route to work in order to pick up a Mocha Frappe` from McDonald's instead of having my usual hot tea or coffee. I thought this was a pretty good idea, considering it was 88 degrees at 7:30am.
I digress, as I approached my job from a different angle, I noticed a building that my company had been scheduled to demolish by June 30 as an effort to make our campus appear more welcoming and obvious. I will conclude that they are running a little behind schedule considering that today's date is July 22. The reason I even paid attention to it was because the demolition of this building was the topic of "Break Room Discussion" yesterday. The discussion went as follows:
Co-Worker 1: When are they supposed to tear that building down?
Co-Worker 2: I THOUGHT by the end of June. I guess they are running behind schedule.
Co-Worker 3: What is so hard about tearing a building down? Just get a wrecking ball and wreck it.
*laughter from all three*
The discussion got me thinking about everyday life and how everyone claims to have "haters" nowadays.
For those who have true haters, you have to take it as a compliment. Tearing someone down is easy just like demolishing a building, way easier than using that energy to build something of their own. Their negative efforts are a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Be it envy or low self-esteem, haters hate what you represent, not you.
My Daddy's response when I would complain about something being hard was "If it were easy, everyone would be doing it." Meaning, demolition is easy, building is the hard part. So brush your shoulders off, keep going, continue building your empire. Don't you pay those haters no never mind. Remember, you have to have built something in order for someone to try to demolish it.
God bless.

Cool Parent Guidelines

One of my bossy aunts is in town for a while and is staying at my house. As I listen to her yell at her grandkids about playing the instruments in our Music Room AFTER I told her it was ok for them to do so. I got to thinking about the kind of parent I want to be.
In August, I will be 31 years old and I don't have any children yet. Biological children anyway. My younger siblings are 13 years my junior, so it's safe to say I helped raise them. In contrast to how my mother raised us and similar things I've observed in my family in regards to raising children, I don't want to be the "fusser". It seems that all of the women in my family fuss and yell when trying to communicate with their kids. I've always hated it but I realized there is a better way when watching my mother in law interact with her teenage students and my sister in law interact with her 5 year old son. It's a stern but fun loving approach.

1. Let kids be kids and have fun.
This rule implies that they aren't endangering themselves and others. So what if they make a mess or a lot of noise.  Have them help you clean up when they're done and learn to ignore noise.
2. Ask for help. Don't demand.
You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Not that you really want to catch flies but I think asking a kid to help you in the kitchen or with yard work is more effective than screaming "Wash these dishes!" at the top of your lungs. They become a part of a team and don't feel like "hired help".
3. Listen, don't lecture.
Having open communication with your kids will help you understand their point of view and hopefully, allow them to actually listen to what you have to say. I know as a teenager, I tuned out all of the lectures about why we have to fold laundry as soon as it's dry.
4. Be fluid with your rules but maintain the rules.
As adults, we have a certain way we like to do things and a certain way we like things to be done. We have to be patient with kids as they figure things out for themselves. If the kid has logical reasoning, go with their way. Being rigid doesn't get us anywhere.
5. If it's funny, they don't get in trouble.
Now this will be a Woods Estate Rule. Apply at your own risk. If my kids break a rule, but in their explanation, I can laugh about it, they probably won't get in trouble.

My husband and I are fun, silly, big kids at heart. I guess that's why kids in our lives call the Woods Estate the "Fun House". I hope that keeps us young. I pray that if we are blessed with children, they will be the same way. I know that children keep you young and can stress you out at the same time, so I pray that creating fun times will reduce the stressful times.

The Simple Things

Although my friends call me Fancy, I'm a pretty simple girl. I like nice things but I'm easy to please. Does that even make sense? The people who know and love me completely understand. Here's a list of simple things that make me happy.
1. McDonald's Fruit and Maple Oatmeal
2. McDonald's Hot Fudge Sunday...with nuts please!
3. Sunbathing in my backyard, no extravagant vacation needed.
4. Riding public transportation
5. Andre`champagne
6. The Flea Market
7. Making up dances as my husband plays the drum
8. Grilled in the husk corn on the cob
9. Burnt-on-the-grill hot dogs served on a grilled hot dog bun topped with onions and mustard
10. Red Velvet cake with cream cheese icing
Now that I'm looking at this list, it seems that most of the things that make me happy are food items. LOL! 
I digress, in this time of economical strife, my husband and I have decided to buckle down and minimize our consumer debt. For us, that means enjoying the "Simple Things" more often instead of indulging expensive date nights as we had grown accustomed to doing. Having homemade breakfast in our backyard while enjoying an Andre` mimosa is more desirable than the expensive brunch we used to partake. Take the time to enjoy the simple things, you'll save LOTS of money. Hehe

Everyone Needs a "No Man"

The comedian Kevin Hart said it best on last night's BET Award Show, "Everybody needs a "No Man". The "No Man" is that true friend who tells you what you need to hear instead of what you want to hear. For example:
"Your breath hasn't been smelling right lately, whens the last time you saw a dentist?"
"That dress may have looked good on you about 25 lbs. ago. Girl, you know you're too big to be wearing that!"
"You slept with all them people in a drunken stupor?!?! You need to go get tested."
"No, that was not the right thing to do/say, you need to go apologize"
"You know this rug is too small for this room. You need to buy a bigger one."
I could go on but I think you get the point.

My husband is usually my "No Man", but as a smart man he has learned that he has to be gentle with the "No" news. Sometimes he is too gentle when I need him to just tell me the truth. Anyway, I had a "No Man" situation this weekend. I have been completely natural for about 2 months now. While I love my Afro, I wanted to try something a little different.

So on Friday, I warned my husband that I was going to try something different with my hair. As a "retired" natural hairstylist, I had styled many natural coifs and was going to try one of the popular styles on my own hair. I went and purchased a new hair product, washed my hair, and went to town.

While the end result was beautiful, well moisturized, two-strand twists, I wasn't quite that excited about how this new style looked on me, with my slender face, considering my hair isn't that long right now. But my faithful "No Man" insisted that it was "Cute" and the style just needed to "Grow on him". So we went to the baseball game together with my new hairstyle. I only got a few compliments, not as many as I usually get on my hair, which pushed me in the direction of "This style isn't for me". I just didn't feel comfortable or fly with non-big hair.

On Sunday night, 2 of my friends came over to watch the BET Awards with me. Both of them are opinionated and honest young ladies. The first friend arrived and quickly noticed my hair. Her initial comment "Your hair looks cute, but it's good "weekend" hair. You don't plan on wearing it to work like that, do you?" The second friend, who has been my hairstylist through my transition to natural, instantly called me "Lil' Tank Tank". Thank God for my "No Men". Can you imagine how I would've ruined my "fly, natural chic" reputation at work, coming in with this so-so looking hair?

My "No Men" confirmed what I was feeling. As a result, I included into my morning routine taking my beautiful, well moisturized, two-strand twists OUT. And the results? Well, let's just say, I've been compliments all morning on my hair.

The lesson, be real with the people you love. Don't let them walk around looking crazy. Also, keep real people around you. If the people in your circle have never given you constructive criticism, they probably aren't your real friends. No real friends = you end up being the one walking around looking crazy.
Be real and God bless.

2 Steps Forward

Yesterday, was a sobering day. I found myself giving a few words of encouragement to a friend in regards to making the sacrifice of leaving everything that is familiar in order to move forward in her career. My husband and I decided we needed re-evaluate our plan to pay off consumer debt. I also had a talk about "doing the right thing" with another friend when it came to dating Mr. Wrong who happens to be so convenient.
Often, I encourage people to make a temporary sacrifice in order to move forward and actually accomplish a goal. Be it weight lose, career, financial, or relationship goals. Sometimes, you have to take one step back in order to take two steps forward. While it may mean you giving up conveniences that you feel you deserve because you've worked so hard to get where you are in life, sometimes you have to temporarily move away from family and friends for a couple of years, not have your daily dose of chocolate chip cookies, be without Direct TV for a couple of months, or go a significant amount of time without male companionship. If you meet your goals in the end, the sacrifice was worth while. Right?
It's all relative, we fast and pray in order to gain spiritual clarity. Isn't it only right to sacrifice in other areas when you want to meet the associated goals? For my husband and I, not being able to indulge in reality TV for the summer and fall months is a small price to pay if we can testify to being free of consumer debt by the end of Fall 2011. In the grand scheme of things, we all know that when you give a little you're guaranteed to get a lot.
With that being said, don't be afraid to make a sacrifice and take one step back in order to make significant progress toward a much desired goal.

Clearing the Trees

On November 30, 2010, my husband and I closed on, what we now call the "Woods Estate". Considering the entirety of the home buying process was completed in the fall/winter, we had not given much consideration to landscaping. Then spring arrived. Flowers bloomed, buds sprouted into leaves, bees started buzzing and we took a look at the "Woods Estate" in the spring. Sadly, we realized that the home we were investing so much money in for renovations was hidden by the trees and shrubs that had been neglected for so long by the previous owners. So, I decided to call the tree removal company.
Our trusty tree expert came out, gave is expert advice and ultimately.....the dreaded estimate. My husband and I got into a heated debate about the cost but I assured him that our home would have much more curb appeal and we would be THAT much more happy with it's appearance. He conceded to my requests and I scheduled the tree removal. I also had our Orkin representative on my side, who had suggested removing trees that were close to the side of the house to prevent mice and rats from seeking refuge so close to our living space. On top of everything else, there were some trees in our backyard that were emitting this God awful smell and we couldn't figure out what it was, except that it was coming from the tree.
Fast forward, our tree removal appointment arrives. I greet the crew and begin instructing them on which trees stay, which trees go, and which trees will be transplanted. I go to the kitchen to pack my lunch and I hear the chainsaws. I walk to the living room and I am amazed by how much light is pouring into our front sun room after only 2 trees were removed. It was like a breath of fresh air. I began to get so excited about how much natural light we would get once all 17 trees were removed...which got me thinking.
Sometimes we hold on to things, relationships, and situations because they've have just always been that way. These things we hold on to can become eye sores if left unattended. Without proper pruning and care, they become over grown and interfere with your life rather than enhance it. Un-pruned issues that reside too close to you can be a hiding place for rodents to burrow their way in, causing an even bigger nuisance. Sometimes there is an undeniable stink about a situation you're in and you will reveal some repair needed that was once hidden.
As I transition through different phases of my life, I realize that things, people, relationships, situations, etc. that I once held near and dear are no longer that way. Instead of trying to hold on to them for comfort sake, I've decided to clear them out of my life to make way for natural light and take in a fresh look at life. Initially, the process is hard and may result in internal unrest, but once you see what a big difference removing a few can do, you are anxious to clear the rest.
I look forward to the end of my work day, when I can go home and actually SEE my home from the street instead of wondering what it looks like behind all of those trees. Yes, I'm sure we will discover even more exterior scraping and painting that needs to be done, but such is life. Better to catch it now and fix it early in the game than to wait until it needs to be replaced because it beyond the scope of repair.
Clear the overgrown trees from your life. Inhale the fresh air. Take in the natural light. Be sure to prune the remaining trees. Sometimes we need to cut things off, in order to reveal our true beauty. God wants it this way.

Lesson Learned

So, after dealing with some family drama. I have come up with a list of life lessons that I took away from the situation. Afterall, what is the point of going through drama if you can't learn anything from it?
1. Never lower your standards:
If you have high standards for how you expect people to treat you, maintain them. You most likely have these standards because you treat people with these same high standards.
2. Be willing to accept your role and apologize:
Have your humble pie with ice cream, but have it. An apology can go a long way, especially when it's genuine. The blame game won't get you anywhere.
3. Accept that everyone does not see things the way you do:
God created us all differently. Imagine that! Any situation can be interpreted a number of ways. Be open to the other party's view.
4. Everything isn't for the internet:
We all take to social network to vent or express our feelings. People are always watching, even when we aren't expecting them to be. If you must vent, be as vague as possible.
5. Stand your ground:
After all is said and done. Harsh words are exchanged, tears flow, and apologies are exchanged....or in my case, not exchanged. Stand up for what you believe is right and continue to do what is right. Righteousness will prevail in the end.
6. Don't take everything personal:
People's actions toward you, while they may effect you significantly, aren't always a direct result of how they feel about you. Even in situations when they are, brush it off and keep it moving. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you rattled, if that was their intention.
7. Be honest:
No matter how much the truth hurt, a lie that is revealed later does MUCH more damage. Your integrity follows you way longer than the hurt you cause.
8. Realize that everyone isn't for you and doesn't like you:
This can also apply to family. Accept it and move on.
9. God gives you what you need when you think you're missing something:
Be it people, money, things, or resources, God is always right on time. When someone let's you down, don't worry, He's got you.
10. Pray about it:
While it's the simplest advice and seems easy, it can be the hardest thing to do before reacting when you in the middle of going through a situation. However, in any situation, usually the hardest thing to do is the right thing to do. Remember, righteousness always prevails.

You learn about yourself when confronted with strife. The more strife, the bigger the lesson. Sometimes we look and the negative in a complicated situation. I like to think that God is preparing me for something big as we naviate through one situation and into another. No rest for the weary but usually the weary are very wise.